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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I finally find out what I wanted to.. He has no gf & we have no chance of getting back together.. I cried hard.. Real hard! But my intuition tells me he lied.. The friend that he lately mentioned everytime should be his new gf & that's why he refused to let me take his photo & upload to FB.. He had a new haircut & it was really nice on him.. I wanted to take a photo & keep as a memory but he refused to saying that later I'll upload to FB.. I asked why he's afraid unless he's attached now.. But he told me he wasn't.. Perhaps my tears just can't stop rolling hence he's afraid of letting me know.. Could it be the hairstylist? I remembered him telling me she asked him out before.. My friends are have the same feeling too.. Plus I remembered I onced called him & Cai Seng was beside & he said something like "Why u call? He wanna go look for Jasmine one.." I asked who was CS talking to coz it seems like he's targetting at me but he told me was Ah Wee. Then I heard CS repeat what he said & he asked him to not talk nonsense.. Or perhaps he's not attached but have someone else in mind..
I asked him in the car if there is any chance that we can be together.. He said no.. I can't stop crying till now! He said like I say we ain't suitable so even when together, we'll still quarrel & break again.. But I never say we ain't suitable, but said we have different perspectives.. It's ironic to say we ain't suitable after so long.. He told me there are things he can't get over so no point patching up & asked me to move on.. He refused to tell me what are the things he can't get over, he said it will made me feel worst.. Told him no one can replace him in my mind but he said I just need to find someone else & I'll be able to forget him, it's just a habit.. If it's habit, then why would I still hang on to it? I can easily find someone to replace him as a habit isn't it?
Told him that we lacked proper communication & that affected our r/s but he said it's beyond communication. But if we had talk it out in the very start of the problem, things wouldn't be this way & I believe will be better! I asked if he still love me, he said if saying no will make me feel better then no..
I don't understand why he can change so fast within 1 mth.. Jan he still wasn't like this, Feb onwards, he changed.. Perhaps he really met someone new.. But he told me I'm the one who changed..
I have nightmare every night.. Nightmare of him don't want me anymore, having new gf.. I guessed I'm just thinking too much.. I knew I'll break down some day but I thought I can still hide & act non chalant.. But I'm not that strong..
I'm afraid of the 1st of every month especially the coming 1st April.. Everything is just about us.. Told him I've always loved him till now but he said if I have always love him, I'll not leave him & told him I need time to think about it.. But that does not dictate I don't love him! I'm just confused over our r/s due to the quarrels, I just need a breather from it.. Perhaps it's my karma.. Karma of not treating him nicely..
We shared too much memories.. Every corner of my room reminds me of him.. In fact, I've even thought of ways & things to do to make our r/s better in the event we patch up & I'm even willing to do whatever I can to make him happy & make our r/s a better one.
I foolishly thought an answer will urged me to move on but I'm wrong! I still can't.. I'm still where I am when I ended the r/s..
She Blogged
10:09 PM