Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Woke up in shocked & couldn'tget back to sleep coz I dreamt of Dear again.. Hope today will be a better day ahead..

She Blogged
6:58 AM

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I felt like calling him but am afraid he's with his gf.. So I dare not.. But I really really feel like hearing his voice.. I love him & now I've lost him.. Thanks to my silly decision that I've made.. I really regretted.. I've already do what I can do just to be with him yet he still don't give me any chance to prove that I love him..

She Blogged
11:47 PM

Dear sent me a message after we hang up, he told me he's attached.. The whole world just collapsed on me.. He always told me he have no gf & have no one in mind yet now he's attached.. He said it's not he like the girl or what but just that both clique well so might as well give it a try.. Oh, now then I know, if clique then must try.. Then I bet I must have alot of trying..

He just got attached yesterday after pei-ing me to the laser.. I should wish him well but I can't, I really can't.. I just can't stop crying.. He don't want me anymore.. He don't even want to give me a chance, what else can I do to retain him? Our MotoGP trip will no longer be on.. Our future can no longer be seen.. It's time I should just give up.. I really don't feel like living anymore.. My surroundings are all surrounded by him, how can I live without him? I'll try to be strong, I'll try.. Perhaps it's already too late to do anything now.. He no longer wants & needs it.. It's just things I want to do on my own accord.. It's over.. It's over..

I still thought I want to surprise him on Fri but I guessed there's no need for now.. Told him I'll not contact him anymore from today onwards.. I know it's hard but I'll try.. No matter how hard it would be.. Since he can forget our 6.5yrs of r/s so readily so I must also be like him.. To move on without hesitation.. I'm still trying to move on.. But I can't.. I just can't throw away everything that we had.. It's all inked into me..

She Blogged
4:03 PM

Tears just rolled down my cheeks once again.. Asked if he's free to meet me next Fri as it'll be our anniversary if we haven't break.. He said see how coz he don't know his shift.. Told him he'll be on 1st shift but he still seems reluctant.. Got 2 USS tix for free as Xiaofang do not want it so I asked if he wants to go.. He also says he doesn't want to coz he don't play rides.. Of coz I know he don't play but it's free, can always go in to see.. This has always been our wish to go together eversince I started working in USS.. One thing I don't understand why he can spend $70 over to go with his friends and not go with me for free? I remembered his friend asked him to go before and he said it's not confirm yet also. But if it's confirmed, wouldn't he go with his friends too? I guess he just don't want to go anywhere with me.. Nothing else can better explain.. If every weekends will be like weekdays for me, I guess I'll be happier as it keep me occupied and not think that much..

She Blogged
2:47 PM

Monday, March 21, 2011

Dear came over to take his stuffs.. He can't wear the other pants I bought.. His hips are too huge for it.. Didn't thought of it coz see Weijie can wear so thought since it's stretchable, maybe not a problem..

I asked for a 2nd chance again.. He rejected.. He told me we ain't suitable & that there are too many things for now to patch up.. We will still quarrel over different views & he doesn't want to patch & break again & get heartbreak again.. Told him I won't, coz I already sort out my thoughts & know what he like & dislike so I will do whatever to please him & hope he give me a 2nd chance.. He also said that he lead a happier life, he can do whatever without thinking of anything. I said he still can continue this way coz I'm not going to restrict him but despite all the assurance, he still refused to give me any more chance.. I gave him so many chances before regardless of how badly he hurt me but why don't he just give me one last chance?I reconfirmed again that he doesn't have anyone in mind after he rejected me once again.. But he asked me, so what if he has since we are no longer together.. It's just like me.. I bet I'm just having a taste of my own dessert..

Perhaps I should really give him some quiet time to think over our r/s.. I've brought too much pain & agony to him that he's afraid too. I understand.. I've been through that.. Perhaps from now onwards, I shall keep myself very occupied to stop thinking of him.. Even at wee hours..

She Blogged
11:17 PM

A hard day today.. Trying to keep myself occupied & not think of him.. While on my way to work, it suddenly striked me that not long after the break up, Dear changed his password. It was when I realised it then I changed mine as well. Since he doesn't want me to know anything of him, why would I leave a chance for him to know mine?

Called Dear, his line was routed to roaming.. I guessed he went Malaysia again.. He have been going to Malaysia very frequently lately & many a times, it made me wonder if his new love is a Malaysian.. Coz the feeling of him having a new gf is very strong & that even though he denied it.. Also, if she's a local, Dear wouldn't have the time to spend with me I guessed. How I wished my hunch was wrong.. If it's true & he admitted it, I may have just give up no matter what instead of now, hoping to win him back. I still pray for a glimpse of chance so if he's ever fallen for someone else, I should just give up coz there won't be any chance anymore..

It's really a hard time for me to go through this ordeal especially when I just started my work & I still got my dissertation to rush.. :( Can I just let go & get over him? This is simply torturous!!

---

21:55

Dear called. Was so happy when I heard his ringing tone.. He said he went Malaysia with friend to pump petrol & eat.. Asked if his friend was with him, he said his friend drives also.. Asked if he wants to stay over tonight.. He said he don't want coz he's used to sleeping on his own bed as it's bigger.. He still stayed over in January but why he suddenly change? :'(

She Blogged
9:23 PM

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I finally fufill my thought of making breakfast for him before I left for KL. I tried making pancake for him but it turned out to be unsuccessful.. Wanted so much to do it again but there was no flour left so ended up I went to buy him Mac breakfast.. When I arrived, he was already having his breakfast.. I went to his room, I realised our photos were no longer in his room.. It hurts.. No matter how many times we quarrel or break up, his photos are always with me.. So does it means he don't love me anymore & planning to forget all about me? The thought of him made me teared once again..

Just back from KL.. I tried not to think of Dear when in KL but when I shower, I thought of him, when I eat or shop, I think of him.. I even thought of him when I sing or listen to songs.. Especially whenever I'm alone, my mind is filled with him.. How do I forget about him when my everyday revolved around him? My room, my plushies, my bag, my jacket, my ipod, my earphone, my necklace, my watches, practically my everything! I tried holding back my tears alot of times when I thought of him coz I didn't want my cousins to see my cry & ruin their mood.. I even dreamt of him almost every night..

Xueli told me he sure have someone in mind, if not he won't changed overnight.. I guessed so too.. He was still ok during CNY but now everything changed in less than a month.. Nevertheless for the change, I still bought stuffs that I thought he may like. I saw the 飞鼠裤 in KL & without thinking, I just bought it coz I knew that Dear would love it! Wanted to buy him a jacket too but when I asked Weijie to help me try on, it was abit tight so I fear Dear can't fit in. Howver before leaving the shop, I saw a nice berms & decided to get it for Dear too. I smuggled Bah Kwa back also.. Coz I heard Peiqin told me it's heavenly & Weixiang also said it was, so I wanted Dear & my family to try it too. There seems to be alot of things I wanted to buy for him but I hesitate coz am afraid he doesn't like it + I do not want to overspend as I'm already very broke now..

Told him what I bought for him then he told me he don't Bah Kwa.. For a moment it made me realised I don't know him that well anymore.. I bought him the blueberry oreo few days ago & when I asked if he tried, he told me he don't dare to eat coz it's oreo biscuit.. I felt a pain in my heart suddenly, why didn't I even know that? Didn't I ever noticed that or do I really neglected him too much? Or perhaps I don't see him eat before so I didn't know he don't eat? But I do remembered vaguely that he ever ate Oreo before in my memory.. That's strange when he told me he don't dare..

There have been many times my friends reminded me that we already broke up & there's no need for me to see for his things anymore.. Even till now, I still shop for him at times.. I just love looking for things to buy for him & that's my way of showing I care & love him..

Was checking my email when I got home & I saw a reminder of our anniversary.. The pain just gushed in once again.. I really fear of the 1st April to come & I dread it!

Planned to meet when I'm back but in the end, he wasn't at home.. Asked if he wants to meet tomorrow, he said see 1st.. My heart just sanked.. Thought he promised that he'll meet me after my trip.. Perhaps he really want to have a clean break up hence he's slowly avoiding me.. I remembered about our MotoGP trip when in KL & texted him asking if it's still on.. He told me it was & I was simply over the mood.. I thought at this point, he wouldn't want to go with me anymore.. Really looking forward to it but am afraid he find excuses or reasons not to go later.. Sigh.. I can blame no one except for myself, I brought all these upon myself.. I really hated myself so much! Bring so much agony to both of us.. If only we hadn't met..


These are the things I bought him..

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Dear found out about my bites on my arms.. I don't think it's obvious but don't know why he noticed it.. I just can't helped but to bite myself to feel the pain, perhaps the pain on my arms will help erased the pain in my heart..

I asked if he wanted to accompany me & he readily agreed but I got to realised he thought I asked him to accompany me for dinner.. I really want him to accompany for the day & not just for dinner.. But well.. Sigh..

I know I've to let go no matter how hard it's gonna be.. It's my choice.. I knew this day would come & I gotta be strong.. Perhaps I should really let time heal everything & give him time to let go everything then I can start afresh with him.

Told Dear I'll change but he say if I'm willing, I would have done that long ago & if I were to change for him, I won't be happy as it's in me so things will start all over again in the near future.. Told him I'm telling him I will means I will.. I've thought it through & nothing matters more than him.. And that's why the decision..

Told Mandy what Dear told me about what he dislike about.. Girly told me if it's her, she'll not be happy too.. She told me, isn't it better this way that we don't quarrel anymore & why would I wanna change the current situation? True enough.. Dear also have the same feeling.. He's also afraid of getting hurt again.. I knew I've hurt him too deeply.. The feeling is exactly the same like what I fear.. But the thought of losing him forever is like a pierce piercing through my heart.. The pain is excruciating..

Dear said if we are meant to be, we will still to be together in future.. I know but it's just damn pain! Now I'm just going all out to do anything that can make him stay..


Dear told me alot of things that I wasn't told before.. He told me he can't get over HL incident & asked me to be better off with him as both of us have the same thinking.. Both of us are the same type of people.. It hurts when I hear this.. He kept emphasising the fact that I told him I was a little moved by HL but that doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean I'll be with him or must be with him. I know what kind of bf I want & HL will be the last for me to consider for sure! Perhaps I used the wrong word that time that caused him to brood over it even till now.. He told me since I'm happy with HL then be with him.. But when did I say I'm happier with him? He just saw photos & assumed I'm happy but there are many things he didn't know about it. Does he even know that I always quarrel with HL despite the fact that I looked happy when I was with him? He doesn't.. If I'm happy being with someone dictates I fancy him, then I guessed I'll be too busy fancy others.. Why don't he just think about happy moments when with him? There are even more happier moments with him than HL.. In fact, moments with HL wasn't any happy moments, just a tiding period for me to confide in. Dear said we shouldn't be together again after HL incident & I was so damn right that time. I told him that time as I knew he can't get over it.. I just know Dear too well.. But he said he believe me yet still let his mind run wild..

I've asked what did I do for the past 1 year. He said that I didn't care for him at all, just do whatever I want. Yes, I knew it but despite neglecting him, I really did not do anything else to hurt him.. He said he don't like me to out with some people yet I still go but I really don't know who else he dislike besides HL. Plus I already cut all contact with HL. Those whom I know I already gave up, I don't know what else I can do to make him happier. I kept probing till I finally got the answers.. He don't like to go out alone with guys, meet at nights & he dislike me to go overseas with guys & all I did. But going overseas was already when we are no longer together.. He also can't accept the fact that I turn to others when he was not able to help.. I feel so helpless.. He can't help yet I can't turn to others..

He also don't like me to go around telling people about our r/s.. I knew from the start he don't like so I was so afraid to tell anyone till things got worst & I need someone to help me solve coz I'm totally clueless of what to do.. But I didn't know he would mind so much.. I was merely looking for a solution to our r/s.. He also dislike the idea of me posting my emotions on FB.. Perhaps that's me, an emotional freak, I can't keep everything to myself, I'll go crazy so I've to let all my frustrations, my anger all let off to cool down.. Or perhaps, that's women..

He said he can walk out of this r/s so he's sure I'll be able to as well.. He said he'll be with me.. I wished I'm that strong.. My self infliction disorder just came back to me all of the sudden.. Perhaps I just can't take the blow.. Perhaps I care too much.. I really hate myself hurting him & hurting myself so much that things just went out of control now.. I know no matter what I do now is useless, he just didn't want to get hurt again.. I knew when I promised him I will change for him, I meant it.. I don't make empty promises.. When I know I can't I won't, but since I've made up my mind, I'm really willing to.. But he just feels I won't coz he felt if I will, I will change in the past & not now.. But its coz I realised what is the most important thing to me... HIM!!


Reading at my past posts made my tears rolled uncontrollably once again.. There are many things I've yet to do for him, perhaps I should just do it for the last time.. For the watch he saw with Minchan, I wanted to buy for him so much that time when he mentioned. Since now I've just gotten my remuneration from helping Ronald's event, I should just follow my heart & buy it for him. I may not have the chance to buy him anything again.. I asked MC last night about the price & model again..

At times, I wanted so much to surprise him with the breakfast I made but I've been contemplating for very long.. I'm afraid he may not like it so I've been procastinating & not doing it. Am I just not bold enough to tell or do whatever things to show that I love him? Why must I hold back each time? He won't know how much I care for & love him if I always hold back & don't show it to him! I regretted.. Regretted of not showing.. I should boldly announced to the whole world that I LOVE HIM & CARE FOR HIM..

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I finally find out what I wanted to.. He has no gf & we have no chance of getting back together.. I cried hard.. Real hard! But my intuition tells me he lied.. The friend that he lately mentioned everytime should be his new gf & that's why he refused to let me take his photo & upload to FB.. He had a new haircut & it was really nice on him.. I wanted to take a photo & keep as a memory but he refused to saying that later I'll upload to FB.. I asked why he's afraid unless he's attached now.. But he told me he wasn't.. Perhaps my tears just can't stop rolling hence he's afraid of letting me know.. Could it be the hairstylist? I remembered him telling me she asked him out before.. My friends are have the same feeling too.. Plus I remembered I onced called him & Cai Seng was beside & he said something like "Why u call? He wanna go look for Jasmine one.." I asked who was CS talking to coz it seems like he's targetting at me but he told me was Ah Wee. Then I heard CS repeat what he said & he asked him to not talk nonsense.. Or perhaps he's not attached but have someone else in mind..

I asked him in the car if there is any chance that we can be together.. He said no.. I can't stop crying till now! He said like I say we ain't suitable so even when together, we'll still quarrel & break again.. But I never say we ain't suitable, but said we have different perspectives.. It's ironic to say we ain't suitable after so long.. He told me there are things he can't get over so no point patching up & asked me to move on.. He refused to tell me what are the things he can't get over, he said it will made me feel worst.. Told him no one can replace him in my mind but he said I just need to find someone else & I'll be able to forget him, it's just a habit.. If it's habit, then why would I still hang on to it? I can easily find someone to replace him as a habit isn't it?

Told him that we lacked proper communication & that affected our r/s but he said it's beyond communication. But if we had talk it out in the very start of the problem, things wouldn't be this way & I believe will be better! I asked if he still love me, he said if saying no will make me feel better then no..

I don't understand why he can change so fast within 1 mth.. Jan he still wasn't like this, Feb onwards, he changed.. Perhaps he really met someone new.. But he told me I'm the one who changed..

I have nightmare every night.. Nightmare of him don't want me anymore, having new gf.. I guessed I'm just thinking too much.. I knew I'll break down some day but I thought I can still hide & act non chalant.. But I'm not that strong..

I'm afraid of the 1st of every month especially the coming 1st April.. Everything is just about us.. Told him I've always loved him till now but he said if I have always love him, I'll not leave him & told him I need time to think about it.. But that does not dictate I don't love him! I'm just confused over our r/s due to the quarrels, I just need a breather from it.. Perhaps it's my karma.. Karma of not treating him nicely..

We shared too much memories.. Every corner of my room reminds me of him.. In fact, I've even thought of ways & things to do to make our r/s better in the event we patch up & I'm even willing to do whatever I can to make him happy & make our r/s a better one.

I foolishly thought an answer will urged me to move on but I'm wrong! I still can't.. I'm still where I am when I ended the r/s..

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Had an arguement with Mum coz she called Dear to buy cigarettes.. Told her not to call him anymore to get anything coz I did not want him to feel that I'm making use of him.. Mum simply don't understand when I already told her my point view & said I accused her.. :( Dear once said when I needed him I'll look for him but when I don't, I can't be bothered so I really don't want to make him feel this way.. I will try to look for others for help nowadays instead of him to prevent him from thinking I'm making use of him.. Though he's still the 1st that came to my mind..

Monday, March 14, 2011

Met up with Serene they all.. Serene & Wendy told me to hold Dear back if I really can't live without him & don't think anymore.. I wanted to but don't have the courage to.. Coz I feel that Dear is already attached.. Sometimes he don't even reply my messages..

On our way home, Serene told me to ask whatever I wanted to know & tell him whatever I'm feeling. At least I've done what I needed to know & if things were really what I guessed, then at least I know I shouldn't pin anymore hope on this r/s anymore.. She told me I already know what I wanted but I'm just afraid.. True enough.. Told her when I asked if Dear is happier now, he told me he is.. In fact upon hearing this, it really made me think twice of asking him back.. Coz I really want him to be happier.. But it's really hurts that I can't be with someone I love so dearly.. I've got to give up coz of our differences whch we didn't managed to overcome.. Perhaps from the start we were straight forward enough, telling each other our feelings without hiding, things wouldn't turn out this way..

Perhaps I should face reality & ask him upright.. If he's really attached or don't love me anymore, I should just give up & stop pinning hope on this r/s anymore.. Though hurting but at least I will give my best to give up than holding on headlessly to a r/s that will never be mine again....

Just texted him asking if he's still out.. His reply was fast but when I asked if I can asked him something, he did not reply.. Still contemplating if I should call him or wait till a better time to ask.. I'm really lost.. I don't know what I should do now.. :( I really really feel like calling him but am afraid of spoiling his mood outside..

---

04:20

He replied but he said "You don't like people ask u, why u want ask?" I don't know why he turned so defensive for no reason.. And it's really for no reason.. And the fact that I didn't dislike him asking me things, I just dislike the fact that the tone of his voice seems interogatting.. Sometimes, it's just about the tone.. If his tone is nicer & sounded more concern, I wouldn't have flared.. Told him that I just want to know 1 thing & after which I won't ask him a single thing in future.. I merely want to know what's his answer now.. To urge me & allow me to move on with my life..

Friday, March 11, 2011

Was waiting for his call & he finally called.. Told him I felt like going over, he said nastily: "Come over for what?! When we were together, u never want to come & now I want to." But then why did he let me go over after the TW trip & not now?

I told him how I was feeling but he sounded indifferent.. I bet he must have hated me though he told me he didn't.. He asked me to think about how I treated him this 1 year.. I seriously don't know what I did.. I did neglect him but I never treat him badly..

He said that now that without me, he can do whatever he like/want without having to worry about anything.. I asked if he's happier without me & he said he is.. So I'm really right to leave him & to make him a happier person.. I should be glad that my intention was answered but I'm not coz it will means the chances of us being together again is lower.. He kept holding the fact that I ever told him we were world apart due to our perspectives/values but he still don't understand that I broke up not coz of this but coz we could not solve our difference & it's hurting the both of us.. Rather than hurting each other, why don't we just put a halt to all the hurting? And in order to stop the hurt, breaking up will be the best solution..

He mentioned that when I needed him, I'll look for him & if I don't, I'll not be bothered about him.. I don't know what made him think that way but if I don't care, would I even bother to call him everytime I wake up? Would I even buy him some thing he likes when I see it? No!! It's coz I care & that's why he's always the 1st person that came to my mind when I needed him.. I could just approached any other person for help but I didn't..

I can't accept anyone even up till now coz I can't get over him.. He's always on my mind.. I just want to be with him & no one else.. No one can ever replace his place in my heart.. He's someone special to me & someone I love dearly..

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Was smsing Dear last night.. Told me he was tired so I asked if he didn't nap enough & he told me his friend was at his house so didn't sleep much.. As far as I remembered, he seldom lie on bed if his friends were around but when I called at that time, he said he was lying on bed.. Somehow, the feeling of him being attached is even stronger.. I replied: " Gf?" He did not responsed at all.. Perhaps it really was.. I wanted so much to asked him when I called him but I dare not ask again.. Perhaps I'm afraid to face the reality..

I called him when I was back from lunch but he was sleeping so I told him to call me after he wake up.. But after my nap, he still did not call.. Tried calling him & his hp was turn to roaming.. The disappointment just engulfed me..

There have been times I wanted to write to him like before when we were still together.. But when I hold my pen, somehow I just can't gather all my thoughts to write down how I feel hence didn't write in the end.. Perhaps our problem started to occur when I my moniversary letter started decreasing.. Coz the letter was always to express my inner feelings for him & as it grew lesser, he didn't understand my feelings/thoughts & also mistook my love for him is lesser & hence causes all these.. I should have just continue to write no matter how busy I am.. A belated is better than nothing, rather than causing us so much unnecessary misunderstandings..

Our break up really made me think alot.. Alot of things I've never realised when being with him.. My negligence..

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I watched the video Dear made for me the last time we broke up.. I know I'll cry for sure & I know I'll cry as badly as that time & indeed, it was as bad.. The photos brought back alot of memories.. Some of them were even some I'm looking for the other day but I can't seems to find..

Read the letter he wrote as well, cried even badly.. No matter how many times I read/watch, I'll definately cry.. Whenever I read the past messages he sent to me when I hurt him, I'll cry discreetly..

There are things I've never told him before.. I do make it clear to people who sweet talk or going after me that I love him dearly & won't accept anyone else except him.. I dare not tell him fearing he might want me to stop contact with him.. I just don't want things to turn that way so I thought by making my stand, it should be fine.. He'll never understand coz I never told him.

My emotions is out of control lately.. I just can't stop crying & concentrate on my work..

My love for him now is just like 7yrs ago.. In fact, it's deeper.. Perhaps both just ain't good in our words that causes our relationship to break apart.. It hurts, it simply hurts..

I also find that he don't seems to be his usual self lately.. He seems to be avoiding me & when I wanna hug him, he seems reluctant.. If he's got someone new, I'll wish him well. It's me who let him go, so no matter how tough it will be for me, I must endure & accept it.. But if he really does, I'll disappear from his life & never appear in his life again.. Perhaps when I get over him, then it will be a better to start contacting again.. Coz it simply hurts too much for me to see him attached when I still love him dearly..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really selfish on my part. I broke up on my wishful thinking wanting him to feel happier.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm at fault not being able to do things like he want..

Monday, March 07, 2011

Some things just flashed through my mind of of the blue.. It made me realised how I've neglected Dear at times without realising it.. Perhaps that's the reason why he felt so insecure at times.. Things do get into my ears when friends commented that I was neglecting Dear but perhaps I was too egoistic to apologise or say something nice to appease him that causes things to turn ugly.. I'm just too adamant & egoistic at times.. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have done that to Dear.. :(

These few months have made me thought of alot of things that I never thought of before.. Perhaps it's only when the 2 of us ain't together then will I have the time to think it through.. We've just stayed stagnant too long & I was just getting sick to the everyday life of us.. Perhaps I lack of excitement in life hence I merely wanted to find back my lost excitement in life.. I was just too engrossed in finding my entertainment & neglected Dear so much so that I did not realised it.. If I could turn back time, I would tell him I'm wrong & I'm sorry..

Sunday, March 06, 2011

I wanted Dear badly to be stay with me for a movie but he didn't want to.. I can't hold back any longer so I cried in front of him.. When he left, I can't stop crying..

I texted him telling him how felt & he asked me what I wanted him to do. Told him I merely wanted to tell him what I'm feeling & he replied "This is what u wanted, be strong.." When I asked if he still loves me, he say's he don't know.. Upon hearing this, my heart just sank.. I was became so lost.. Coz don't know to me is he don't love me anymore.. Just that he don't know how to break it to me..

I wanted to tell him so much that I wanted him back at times but I know it sounds silly.. He would feel that I'm fooling his feelings but I'm not.. I just love him too much that I didn't want to hurt him..

I merely wanted to be myself when being with him. I do not want to hide my true self from him, that's too fake.. I may please him but in long run, I'll be suffocating.. But can he accept for who I am?

He' no longer mine.. If I kept crying over the fact that he's already not mine, how long must I cry? Yes, he's right, I really need to learn to be strong.. To be a stronger person..

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

I finally broke down today.. I cried & I can't stop.. I've not moved on till now.. It's supposed to be our 6yrs & 23rd months today.. I really love Dear alot & I'm not happy at all!! I hide my sorrows in front of him & my friends & I pretend I'm fine but the fact is, I'm not.. I did not want anyone to see me in this state.. I know I'll regret when I asked to part but till now I still hold the fact that break up will make us both feel better at least. At least now I won't upset him that much.. That's what I wanted him to be.. A happier person..

Asked him to go out for movie together with Kairong & Mandy but he doesn't want to.. He said he don't know them, & besides he already have no time for his own friends yet want to go movie with them.. It hurts.. I merely wanted to bring him closer to me circle yet he kept pushing them away.. How are we supposed to together if he do not want to break the boundary between us?

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