Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I thought I'm getting better by not thinking of him and refraining from calling Dear but I was so wrong! I still think of him and I would still cry as hard as before.. I still can't get over him till now.. It's hard.. I'm really not one who will get over so easily.. I really really love him but things just don't seems to work out for us.. At times I rather we have break up long ago.. Perhaps 7 days or 7 months into our r/s instead of now..

Sunday, April 17, 2011

I hugged both my tortoises tight as though Dear is by my side when sleeping.. Felt the warmth of him around me for the very moment.. I don't know how long I've got to wait coz I believe that Dear is someone who give all when in love & I doubt he will ever break up with her.. But still I shall wait, wait for his return.. Perhaps till a day I lost hope then will I give up.. There have been times I wanted to text him telling him that I love him, just like before.. But I can't.. I can only tell myself and my babies that I love & misses their Daddy alot..

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I thought I felt much better after seeing Dear that day but I started to become emo again.. :( I thought the happiness can last long enough but I was wrong.. I really miss Dear alot..

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Went Barcook wanting to help Raj buy bread & ended up I bought 3 breads for Dear.. I saw new flavors which is rare so I just of buying for Dear. Told him I'll head over to pass him but he seems to be finding excuses not wanting me to go. He asked me to give XF coz waste time go over pass him & leave. I was persistant & he said up to me then after awhile he texted again telling me he won't have time to talk to me.. Well, I'm already all prepared.. I still went in the end, wanting to just pass him the breads I've bought for him coz I knew I can't always do that.. He'll get annoyed.. When I was reaching, my heart was racing!! I didn't dare to look at him somehow. The moment I reached, he asked me to leave it the wall there, so I turned my back, put it there & left.. I turned back to looked at him before I left.. Though it was just a spilt second, I'm really happy.. I smiled all the way from his place back home.. I simply missed seeing him.. If only the universe can stop revolving at that very moment..

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I guessed my small little gestures of love for Dear these few mths isn't enough for him to realise to still LOVE him.. I refused to get back my skincare at his home is coz I'm hoping to get back together.. I still buy him things coz I still care.. I always asked him out coz I missed him.. I always call him coz I wanted to hear his voice.. I still asked him to go overseas coz I just wanted to spend the time with him, just the 2 of us.. Yet all these while I got to pretend I don't love him anymore, hoping he'll move on & find a better girl.. Ironically, I'm the one who us not moving on..

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I dreamt of Dear.. It's a weird dream.. I dreamt that we quarrelled and Dear left me.. I cried & cried till he came back & sayang me & made me smile.. I also dreamt that I've moved on & got a new life & bf, but my new bf turned out to be Dear as well. Sigh.. I guessed I just missed him too much.. Went 257 today.. Bought him bread for tomorrow breakfast. I know I shouldn't do that now but I still love & care for him.. That's the least I can do I guessed. Brought along the bowl noodles from Taiwan too. Smsed him in the morning but no response so when I'm done with my things, I called, he never answered. Was guessing if his gf was around.. Called his mum instead of his home & realised my guess is right.. I waited and waited till I smsed his mum asking her to meet me if she's coming over 257.. She asked Stanley to come over instead. So I passed him everything.. In fact, I wasn't feeling good.. I thought I can see him at least for a while & I'll be contented but it turned out to be not able to.. Well, I've already guessed but still pinning some hope on it somehow..

Friday, April 08, 2011

Get to learn that the team building will be at Labrador Park & I really don't feel like going.. It reminded me of Dear & I'm sure to be very affected that day.. :( Labrador is where we went to during our 2nd & 3rd meet up. It contained alot of memories of us.. Even after together, we still went there for a stroll before.. There are just too much memories between us.. Called Dear coz I missed his voice & he's on the way to meet his friend.. I guessed he's meeting his gf ba.. But I'm really happy that I get to listen to his voice.. :)

Thursday, April 07, 2011

I broke down once again last night.. This morning I broke down & hid in the cubicle to cry after realising Dear deleted the album "Together" where it contained all our photos in FB. I can't helped but to ask him. He was quite shocked when I asked that & replied "What album?" Told him about it & he replied "Don't know, never do anything". Told him it's gone and the album name was "Together" & he said "Don't know, never go see photo. Anyway, photo all in my com.." There's nothing I can do but just digressed my topic after that. I felt the hurt.. I know he already have a new life but still it hurts alot alot.. I don't know I'll be able to act tough in front of everyone.. It's already at my maximum yet I'm still trying.. I know there's no point to do anything now but if I can turn back time, I'll never ever want to leave Dear coz I really love him and losing him is the most torturing thing that can happened to me.. Sometimes, some things are just to late to realise and change for the better.. Once you've missed it, you'll never gonna have a chance again.. Been dreaming of him every night.. Every waking moments is as torturing.. I'll kept thinking about alot of things.. About his new life, our past, our future (if we are still together), things that I planned to do with him & alot alot more..

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

I went to queue up to buy bread for Dear for his breakfast tomorrow. Everyone said was nice, I tried, it was very soft but alright to me. But well, let Dear try, perhaps he like it.. He loves soft buns.. I'm still like before, loves to buy him stuffs & dotes on him as usual. I knew things will never be the same anymore but still I'm doing it coz I love him.. I'll only stop when I stop loving him.. Hope he likes the bread..


I seriously missed Dear alot.. Told him & he told me I'll forget, I just need time.. I wished I can.. Went to the washroom & cried in the cubicle.. I felt soooooooo pain.. I love him & it hurts to know that he's with someone else now. I'm feeling the pain yet gotta act as if nothing happen.. When can I ever go through this?

Saturday, April 02, 2011

My heart was thumping real hard when I was travelling to meet him.. I was in a lost coz I know that it'll be my last chance to say my thoughts out & may also be the last time I'm gonna see him ever again.. I knew I'll be missing him when we part but there's nothing I can do & I felt helpless.. I told him all the things I've been thinking all these while and alot of impromptu things. From the start of our r/s till now.. I was told that his gf didn't like me to contact him coz she'll go berserk if she knows it.. At the moment, I felt like I was too gracious many a times that perhaps Dear felt neglected.. I knew things will never be the same again & I'll just pray that I'll be strong enough to not call or text him.. Though hard but I'll try.. I do not want to ruin his happiness coz of me. Since he've found his happiness, I should sincerely wish him no matter how sad I am.. I really want him to feel loved.. This whole week, I've been waiting for this day.. This day to speak my mind. I'm glad Dear made an effort to meet me & in fact allow my to have a peace of my mind after this meet up.. Perhaps I'm already prepared to meet him for the last time since the day I learnt that he've got a gf.. I never knew that 1st April will mark be the beginning and the ending of our love journey.. It'll always be a special day for me & a day I'll never forget this whole life..

Friday, April 01, 2011

Today is supposed to be our 7th anniversary if we are still together.. We planned to meet tomorrow but last night, he texted me telling me that his gf wants to tag along. I asked if it's possible not to bring her and he said she is unhappy and he doesnt want to upset her.. But well, today Dear finally agreed to meet me after 1 week of trying.. I'm happy yet I'm afraid he will not come up with excuses again. Though he agreed to meet without his gf, I can feel that he felt annoyed with me for insisting to meet. He even reminded me to not too long.. It hurts.. I don't know how long it'll take but I hope I won't annoy him and this talk will end with a smile at least for both of us.. It's really a tough decision to call and text him at this moment.. There has been many times I wanted to text or call him, but on my 2nd thoughts, I think I better not.. Coz I also do not want to upset his gf.. But then again, I just want this chance, just this once, to shoot everything that has always been kept once again. My heart seems to be racing whenver I call him or waiting for his reply. I was afraid.. Afraid that he's with his gf.. But well, he will never understands that.. Let's pray it'll be a good talk later..