Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I watched the video Dear made for me the last time we broke up.. I know I'll cry for sure & I know I'll cry as badly as that time & indeed, it was as bad.. The photos brought back alot of memories.. Some of them were even some I'm looking for the other day but I can't seems to find..

Read the letter he wrote as well, cried even badly.. No matter how many times I read/watch, I'll definately cry.. Whenever I read the past messages he sent to me when I hurt him, I'll cry discreetly..

There are things I've never told him before.. I do make it clear to people who sweet talk or going after me that I love him dearly & won't accept anyone else except him.. I dare not tell him fearing he might want me to stop contact with him.. I just don't want things to turn that way so I thought by making my stand, it should be fine.. He'll never understand coz I never told him.

My emotions is out of control lately.. I just can't stop crying & concentrate on my work..

My love for him now is just like 7yrs ago.. In fact, it's deeper.. Perhaps both just ain't good in our words that causes our relationship to break apart.. It hurts, it simply hurts..

I also find that he don't seems to be his usual self lately.. He seems to be avoiding me & when I wanna hug him, he seems reluctant.. If he's got someone new, I'll wish him well. It's me who let him go, so no matter how tough it will be for me, I must endure & accept it.. But if he really does, I'll disappear from his life & never appear in his life again.. Perhaps when I get over him, then it will be a better to start contacting again.. Coz it simply hurts too much for me to see him attached when I still love him dearly..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really selfish on my part. I broke up on my wishful thinking wanting him to feel happier.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm at fault not being able to do things like he want..