Sunday, March 20, 2011
I finally fufill my thought of making breakfast for him before I left for KL. I tried making pancake for him but it turned out to be unsuccessful.. Wanted so much to do it again but there was no flour left so ended up I went to buy him Mac breakfast.. When I arrived, he was already having his breakfast.. I went to his room, I realised our photos were no longer in his room.. It hurts.. No matter how many times we quarrel or break up, his photos are always with me.. So does it means he don't love me anymore & planning to forget all about me? The thought of him made me teared once again..Just back from KL.. I tried not to think of Dear when in KL but when I shower, I thought of him, when I eat or shop, I think of him.. I even thought of him when I sing or listen to songs.. Especially whenever I'm alone, my mind is filled with him.. How do I forget about him when my everyday revolved around him? My room, my plushies, my bag, my jacket, my ipod, my earphone, my necklace, my watches, practically my everything! I tried holding back my tears alot of times when I thought of him coz I didn't want my cousins to see my cry & ruin their mood.. I even dreamt of him almost every night..
Xueli told me he sure have someone in mind, if not he won't changed overnight.. I guessed so too.. He was still ok during CNY but now everything changed in less than a month.. Nevertheless for the change, I still bought stuffs that I thought he may like. I saw the 飞鼠裤 in KL & without thinking, I just bought it coz I knew that Dear would love it! Wanted to buy him a jacket too but when I asked Weijie to help me try on, it was abit tight so I fear Dear can't fit in. Howver before leaving the shop, I saw a nice berms & decided to get it for Dear too. I smuggled Bah Kwa back also.. Coz I heard Peiqin told me it's heavenly & Weixiang also said it was, so I wanted Dear & my family to try it too. There seems to be alot of things I wanted to buy for him but I hesitate coz am afraid he doesn't like it + I do not want to overspend as I'm already very broke now..
Told him what I bought for him then he told me he don't Bah Kwa.. For a moment it made me realised I don't know him that well anymore.. I bought him the blueberry oreo few days ago & when I asked if he tried, he told me he don't dare to eat coz it's oreo biscuit.. I felt a pain in my heart suddenly, why didn't I even know that? Didn't I ever noticed that or do I really neglected him too much? Or perhaps I don't see him eat before so I didn't know he don't eat? But I do remembered vaguely that he ever ate Oreo before in my memory.. That's strange when he told me he don't dare..
There have been many times my friends reminded me that we already broke up & there's no need for me to see for his things anymore.. Even till now, I still shop for him at times.. I just love looking for things to buy for him & that's my way of showing I care & love him..
Was checking my email when I got home & I saw a reminder of our anniversary.. The pain just gushed in once again.. I really fear of the 1st April to come & I dread it!
Planned to meet when I'm back but in the end, he wasn't at home.. Asked if he wants to meet tomorrow, he said see 1st.. My heart just sanked.. Thought he promised that he'll meet me after my trip.. Perhaps he really want to have a clean break up hence he's slowly avoiding me.. I remembered about our MotoGP trip when in KL & texted him asking if it's still on.. He told me it was & I was simply over the mood.. I thought at this point, he wouldn't want to go with me anymore.. Really looking forward to it but am afraid he find excuses or reasons not to go later.. Sigh.. I can blame no one except for myself, I brought all these upon myself.. I really hated myself so much! Bring so much agony to both of us.. If only we hadn't met..
These are the things I bought him..
This is the 飞鼠裤 I bought.. It looked weird but it's nice when worn on it.. :)
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