Saturday, February 26, 2011

The days with him in TW was great.. I love every bit of company.. How nice it would be if everyday are like the days the TW w/o quarrel.. I really wanted him badly but I'm afraid of quarrelling again.. I just feel that the quarrels will make us drift apart instead of loving more.

There were days where he hurt my feelings.. I felt the pain.. I was trying on cap & he asked "Do you think it's very nice?" I replied jokingly "Yeah, looked nice on me!!" And his reply was "Eh! KNS!! Pui!" I was simply disgusted by his tone & hurt by it.. I'll never say this kind of things to him.. NEVER! If I don't find it nice, I would just nicely tell him it's not nice.. I won't say things like KNS, pui etc.. He's loving & caring but just abit thoughtless at times.. :(

I always thought this trip will make us closer but somehow I felt that we had drifted apart.. I just had this feeling.. I remembered asking him to go to Kaoshiung with me in future & he said "See how lor, will be busy after this." He wouldn't have said this way last time.. Perhaps he just don't want to be so close to me anymore.. :'(

Saturday, February 12, 2011

It's been long since I last blogged..

It's been 4months & I still love him dearly.. But can we really be together? Can we really be happy if we continue? My decision to part with him was such a torture.. :( I still can't totally get over him.. I stil missed him when I don't see him, I still love to tell him the things that happened around me.. There are also times where I really wanted to ask him back but I fear thus I hold back..

I do agree with him that trust need to be build but have he ever trust me since we started? It's not just what happened between me & HL that made him mistrust me.. It's always been the case as far as I'm concern.. The way he interrogated me whenever I meet my guy friends is already a form of mistrust.. Of coz it's ok to ask but the way he asked is as if I've done him wrong.. It simply annoyed me..

I know he've changed for me but he's changing just to please me & not willingly.. He won't be happy neither do I.. In order not to hurt each other more, I guessed it's best to part.. But he don't see the way I do..

I can't moved on.. I've always thought of marrying him even till now.. But the thought of us quarreling over minor things made me freak out each time.. But I knew that if he proposed, I'll definately say yes! In fact, I've been waiting for all these years.. Yes, even after all the tiffs & arguements coz I knew I love him more than anything else! But perhaps I'm waiting for nothing..

I admit I'm close to my guy friends but being close doesn't dictate anything.. Not as if I'm being unfaithful to him. He loves me & I know it but I really can't stand the way he let his emotion rule his head & interrogated me as if I'm wrong but the fact is I'm not.. :( It hurts to know that he don't trust at all.. The main problem is that he have no confidence in himself & he tends to read too much into simple things.. Hence it's affecting me & our relationship alot..

I don't wanna lose him yet living in this kind relationship is also a torture.. I don't know how long we can last if this continue yet we can't resolve this issue after so long.. Can someone tell me how to do? :(