Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Im hurt.. Truly hurt & cried for the 1st time ever, for Vesper.. I just couldnt take it anymore!!
I know there have been alot of problems arising in our team lately & Im trying to put everything aside & concentrate purely on trainings. I used to be looking 4ward for every trainings to come but not now anymore.. Im finding that im dragging myself for trainings & i detest that feeling!! My passion for cheerleading is still there but wheres all my enthu that i used to have? I'll try to minimaze the problem if i can but each time a problem is resolved, it seems like another will be bound arise.. I dont know why.. Maybe bcoz the problem still exists i guess..
After hearing what Garie had said.. Theres something i think i need to point out on my personal view. From the 1st day till now, ive never stop trying for stunts im not good at.. I tried even when i fell.. Its only that sometimes i need to wait for the pain to go away b4 proceeding to try again. Also, I ever told Berry that i wanted to try a toss up 2-2-1 so it'd look nice. But i backed out later when trying as i have my own fear. I have a protuding tailbone which i was adviced not to hit on it or I'll get paralysed.. I dont wish to fall just bcoz w/o any safety precaution made. I wouldnt mind going to the field & try tossing on the thicker mat. I know bases & secondary flyer will surely try to catch me if i were to fall. But at least i feel safer in the field & even if i were to fall, its inevitable as safety precaution had been made. I dont wish to get injured either & miss out trainings & longing for recovery to go back trainings. Morever, i thought its understood that 1st try on new stunts will be in field rather than our usual training area??
I believed that not only captains r worry abt the routine, we members too!! We r not demanding to hv markings but havent u see for yourself our Open House Perforamance?? Its so unsyncronised that every1 had to look at each other to confirm their positioning. Reason being we did not do our markings on the actual size mats that resulted in that. Do u want to see that happen again?? I doubt so right?? It wont take much time to put a small marking & i guessed that will helped greatly in the positioning. We all want a perfect & nice routine dont we??
I got my own eyes to see for whos planning & doing everything so u dont have to tell me. And just bcoz Tam is doing everything & stress, doesnt give her any rights to raise her voice at me!! Does that give me the right to raise my voice at any1 if im stressed up?? Besides, Im just voicing out that i couldnt help bring the crowd as im almost losing my voice. Im not saying that Im NOT helping or rather RELUCTANT to cheer the crowd. Ive lost my voice & i really meant lost my voice. I really dont want to lose it again as i would want to cheer, shout & enjoy too!!
Pls dont assume that every1 takes the soft way!! I dont mind being scolded if im really at fault BUT I DO MIND if i got raised voice at if ive DID NOTHING WRONG!! Doesnt mean that stress or whatever shit reason can be excused.
PLS MAKE THIS CLEAR PPL!! IM NOT TARGETING AT ANYONE!! Its just some things i dislike the way, me or others r treated & that doesnt mean Im targeting at any1 or dislike any1 in particular!!
Just felt that its so hard on me.. I really dont feel like going for anymore trainings but i just couldnt bear my friends, bear cheerleading!! I still love cheer but im really getting sick of everything. What should i do?? If i dont go, the performance will be called off & i'll be blame for it. Even if im not, i'll feel guilty for causing everyone's effort to be drained just coz of me. =(
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