My Blog

It's been awhile

2011-05-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I've been trying to bury myself with work so I will not think so much. But.. I'm still missing him.. Cried on Monday as I really missed him alot.. I know meeting him again will never be possible yet I just can't stop the thought of meeting and seeing how he have been.. I know I must control, he's already having his new life so I must too.. I really got to learn to let go..

Trying Hard..

2011-05-08T21:30:00.002+08:00

Up till now.. I'm still trying hard to forget about Dear.. I know it's impossible for us to be together again.. But I just can't helped but to cry whenever I think of him.. I still love him as much.. It's not easy to get over a r/s of 7yrs.. Im still trying hard.. Though at times I thought I felt better now but the fact is I would still cry when I see his photos and recalled of the times together..

I tried putting away his photos from my wallet and took off the necklace and earrings he bought, hoping I'll not miss him that much. But well, when I took out one of my wallet to change, I saw his photos in it & burst into tears once again.. I really really missed him.. :'(

Dear, I'm sorry.. I really wished we could have walked this through together but we didn't make it even after 7 years.. Ive always love you & now Im learning to stop loving you..

Living Hell for me..

2011-04-27T11:55:00.002+08:00

I thought I'm getting better by not thinking of him and refraining from calling Dear but I was so wrong! I still think of him and I would still cry as hard as before.. I still can't get over him till now.. It's hard.. I'm really not one who will get over so easily.. I really really love him but things just don't seems to work out for us.. At times I rather we have break up long ago.. Perhaps 7 days or 7 months into our r/s instead of now..

Misses

2011-04-17T12:47:00.003+08:00

I hugged both my tortoises tight as though Dear is by my side when sleeping.. Felt the warmth of him around me for the very moment.. I don't know how long I've got to wait coz I believe that Dear is someone who give all when in love & I doubt he will ever break up with her.. But still I shall wait, wait for his return.. Perhaps till a day I lost hope then will I give up.. There have been times I wanted to text him telling him that I love him, just like before.. But I can't.. I can only tell myself and my babies that I love & misses their Daddy alot..

Better yet missing

2011-04-14T18:54:00.002+08:00

I thought I felt much better after seeing Dear that day but I started to become emo again.. :( I thought the happiness can last long enough but I was wrong.. I really miss Dear alot..

Over The Moon~~

2011-04-13T01:46:00.002+08:00

Went Barcook wanting to help Raj buy bread & ended up I bought 3 breads for Dear.. I saw new flavors which is rare so I just of buying for Dear. Told him I'll head over to pass him but he seems to be finding excuses not wanting me to go. He asked me to give XF coz waste time go over pass him & leave. I was persistant & he said up to me then after awhile he texted again telling me he won't have time to talk to me.. Well, I'm already all prepared.. I still went in the end, wanting to just pass him the breads I've bought for him coz I knew I can't always do that.. He'll get annoyed.. When I was reaching, my heart was racing!! I didn't dare to look at him somehow. The moment I reached, he asked me to leave it the wall there, so I turned my back, put it there & left.. I turned back to looked at him before I left.. Though it was just a spilt second, I'm really happy.. I smiled all the way from his place back home.. I simply missed seeing him.. If only the universe can stop revolving at that very moment..

Not moving on..

2011-04-12T08:12:00.003+08:00

I guessed my small little gestures of love for Dear these few mths isn't enough for him to realise to still LOVE him.. I refused to get back my skincare at his home is coz I'm hoping to get back together.. I still buy him things coz I still care.. I always asked him out coz I missed him.. I always call him coz I wanted to hear his voice.. I still asked him to go overseas coz I just wanted to spend the time with him, just the 2 of us.. Yet all these while I got to pretend I don't love him anymore, hoping he'll move on & find a better girl.. Ironically, I'm the one who us not moving on..

Dream

2011-04-10T16:15:00.002+08:00

I dreamt of Dear.. It's a weird dream.. I dreamt that we quarrelled and Dear left me.. I cried & cried till he came back & sayang me & made me smile.. I also dreamt that I've moved on & got a new life & bf, but my new bf turned out to be Dear as well. Sigh.. I guessed I just missed him too much.. Went 257 today.. Bought him bread for tomorrow breakfast. I know I shouldn't do that now but I still love & care for him.. That's the least I can do I guessed. Brought along the bowl noodles from Taiwan too. Smsed him in the morning but no response so when I'm done with my things, I called, he never answered. Was guessing if his gf was around.. Called his mum instead of his home & realised my guess is right.. I waited and waited till I smsed his mum asking her to meet me if she's coming over 257.. She asked Stanley to come over instead. So I passed him everything.. In fact, I wasn't feeling good.. I thought I can see him at least for a while & I'll be contented but it turned out to be not able to.. Well, I've already guessed but still pinning some hope on it somehow..

Memories Triggered

2011-04-08T15:19:00.002+08:00

Get to learn that the team building will be at Labrador Park & I really don't feel like going.. It reminded me of Dear & I'm sure to be very affected that day.. :( Labrador is where we went to during our 2nd & 3rd meet up. It contained alot of memories of us.. Even after together, we still went there for a stroll before.. There are just too much memories between us.. Called Dear coz I missed his voice & he's on the way to meet his friend.. I guessed he's meeting his gf ba.. But I'm really happy that I get to listen to his voice.. :)

It's Devastating!

2011-04-07T17:11:00.002+08:00

I broke down once again last night.. This morning I broke down & hid in the cubicle to cry after realising Dear deleted the album "Together" where it contained all our photos in FB. I can't helped but to ask him. He was quite shocked when I asked that & replied "What album?" Told him about it & he replied "Don't know, never do anything". Told him it's gone and the album name was "Together" & he said "Don't know, never go see photo. Anyway, photo all in my com.." There's nothing I can do but just digressed my topic after that. I felt the hurt.. I know he already have a new life but still it hurts alot alot.. I don't know I'll be able to act tough in front of everyone.. It's already at my maximum yet I'm still trying.. I know there's no point to do anything now but if I can turn back time, I'll never ever want to leave Dear coz I really love him and losing him is the most torturing thing that can happened to me.. Sometimes, some things are just to late to realise and change for the better.. Once you've missed it, you'll never gonna have a chance again.. Been dreaming of him every night.. Every waking moments is as torturing.. I'll kept thinking about alot of things.. About his new life, our past, our future (if we are still together), things that I planned to do with him & alot alot more..

I still love him dearly..

2011-04-05T16:53:00.002+08:00

I went to queue up to buy bread for Dear for his breakfast tomorrow. Everyone said was nice, I tried, it was very soft but alright to me. But well, let Dear try, perhaps he like it.. He loves soft buns.. I'm still like before, loves to buy him stuffs & dotes on him as usual. I knew things will never be the same anymore but still I'm doing it coz I love him.. I'll only stop when I stop loving him.. Hope he likes the bread..

Broke Down Again

2011-04-05T12:14:00.003+08:00

I seriously missed Dear alot.. Told him & he told me I'll forget, I just need time.. I wished I can.. Went to the washroom & cried in the cubicle.. I felt soooooooo pain.. I love him & it hurts to know that he's with someone else now. I'm feeling the pain yet gotta act as if nothing happen.. When can I ever go through this?

A Peace of Mind

2011-04-02T02:22:00.005+08:00

My heart was thumping real hard when I was travelling to meet him.. I was in a lost coz I know that it'll be my last chance to say my thoughts out & may also be the last time I'm gonna see him ever again.. I knew I'll be missing him when we part but there's nothing I can do & I felt helpless.. I told him all the things I've been thinking all these while and alot of impromptu things. From the start of our r/s till now.. I was told that his gf didn't like me to contact him coz she'll go berserk if she knows it.. At the moment, I felt like I was too gracious many a times that perhaps Dear felt neglected.. I knew things will never be the same again & I'll just pray that I'll be strong enough to not call or text him.. Though hard but I'll try.. I do not want to ruin his happiness coz of me. Since he've found his happiness, I should sincerely wish him no matter how sad I am.. I really want him to feel loved.. This whole week, I've been waiting for this day.. This day to speak my mind. I'm glad Dear made an effort to meet me & in fact allow my to have a peace of my mind after this meet up.. Perhaps I'm already prepared to meet him for the last time since the day I learnt that he've got a gf.. I never knew that 1st April will mark be the beginning and the ending of our love journey.. It'll always be a special day for me & a day I'll never forget this whole life..

It brighten my day! :)

2011-04-01T18:25:00.003+08:00

Today is supposed to be our 7th anniversary if we are still together.. We planned to meet tomorrow but last night, he texted me telling me that his gf wants to tag along. I asked if it's possible not to bring her and he said she is unhappy and he doesnt want to upset her.. But well, today Dear finally agreed to meet me after 1 week of trying.. I'm happy yet I'm afraid he will not come up with excuses again. Though he agreed to meet without his gf, I can feel that he felt annoyed with me for insisting to meet. He even reminded me to not too long.. It hurts.. I don't know how long it'll take but I hope I won't annoy him and this talk will end with a smile at least for both of us.. It's really a tough decision to call and text him at this moment.. There has been many times I wanted to text or call him, but on my 2nd thoughts, I think I better not.. Coz I also do not want to upset his gf.. But then again, I just want this chance, just this once, to shoot everything that has always been kept once again. My heart seems to be racing whenver I call him or waiting for his reply. I was afraid.. Afraid that he's with his gf.. But well, he will never understands that.. Let's pray it'll be a good talk later..

Shocked

2011-03-29T06:58:00.001+08:00

Woke up in shocked & couldn'tget back to sleep coz I dreamt of Dear again.. Hope today will be a better day ahead..

Feel like calling him..

2011-03-27T23:47:00.002+08:00

I felt like calling him but am afraid he's with his gf.. So I dare not.. But I really really feel like hearing his voice.. I love him & now I've lost him.. Thanks to my silly decision that I've made.. I really regretted.. I've already do what I can do just to be with him yet he still don't give me any chance to prove that I love him..

End of everything..

2011-03-27T16:03:00.007+08:00

Dear sent me a message after we hang up, he told me he's attached.. The whole world just collapsed on me.. He always told me he have no gf & have no one in mind yet now he's attached.. He said it's not he like the girl or what but just that both clique well so might as well give it a try.. Oh, now then I know, if clique then must try.. Then I bet I must have alot of trying..

He just got attached yesterday after pei-ing me to the laser.. I should wish him well but I can't, I really can't.. I just can't stop crying.. He don't want me anymore.. He don't even want to give me a chance, what else can I do to retain him? Our MotoGP trip will no longer be on.. Our future can no longer be seen.. It's time I should just give up.. I really don't feel like living anymore.. My surroundings are all surrounded by him, how can I live without him? I'll try to be strong, I'll try.. Perhaps it's already too late to do anything now.. He no longer wants & needs it.. It's just things I want to do on my own accord.. It's over.. It's over..

I still thought I want to surprise him on Fri but I guessed there's no need for now.. Told him I'll not contact him anymore from today onwards.. I know it's hard but I'll try.. No matter how hard it would be.. Since he can forget our 6.5yrs of r/s so readily so I must also be like him.. To move on without hesitation.. I'm still trying to move on.. But I can't.. I just can't throw away everything that we had.. It's all inked into me..

His Reluctance..

2011-03-27T14:47:00.004+08:00

Tears just rolled down my cheeks once again.. Asked if he's free to meet me next Fri as it'll be our anniversary if we haven't break.. He said see how coz he don't know his shift.. Told him he'll be on 1st shift but he still seems reluctant.. Got 2 USS tix for free as Xiaofang do not want it so I asked if he wants to go.. He also says he doesn't want to coz he don't play rides.. Of coz I know he don't play but it's free, can always go in to see.. This has always been our wish to go together eversince I started working in USS.. One thing I don't understand why he can spend $70 over to go with his friends and not go with me for free? I remembered his friend asked him to go before and he said it's not confirm yet also. But if it's confirmed, wouldn't he go with his friends too? I guess he just don't want to go anywhere with me.. Nothing else can better explain.. If every weekends will be like weekdays for me, I guess I'll be happier as it keep me occupied and not think that much..

I need to give him time

2011-03-21T23:17:00.004+08:00

Dear came over to take his stuffs.. He can't wear the other pants I bought.. His hips are too huge for it.. Didn't thought of it coz see Weijie can wear so thought since it's stretchable, maybe not a problem..

I asked for a 2nd chance again.. He rejected.. He told me we ain't suitable & that there are too many things for now to patch up.. We will still quarrel over different views & he doesn't want to patch & break again & get heartbreak again.. Told him I won't, coz I already sort out my thoughts & know what he like & dislike so I will do whatever to please him & hope he give me a 2nd chance.. He also said that he lead a happier life, he can do whatever without thinking of anything. I said he still can continue this way coz I'm not going to restrict him but despite all the assurance, he still refused to give me any more chance.. I gave him so many chances before regardless of how badly he hurt me but why don't he just give me one last chance?I reconfirmed again that he doesn't have anyone in mind after he rejected me once again.. But he asked me, so what if he has since we are no longer together.. It's just like me.. I bet I'm just having a taste of my own dessert..

Perhaps I should really give him some quiet time to think over our r/s.. I've brought too much pain & agony to him that he's afraid too. I understand.. I've been through that.. Perhaps from now onwards, I shall keep myself very occupied to stop thinking of him.. Even at wee hours..

Trying hard..

2011-03-21T21:23:00.004+08:00

A hard day today.. Trying to keep myself occupied & not think of him.. While on my way to work, it suddenly striked me that not long after the break up, Dear changed his password. It was when I realised it then I changed mine as well. Since he doesn't want me to know anything of him, why would I leave a chance for him to know mine?

Called Dear, his line was routed to roaming.. I guessed he went Malaysia again.. He have been going to Malaysia very frequently lately & many a times, it made me wonder if his new love is a Malaysian.. Coz the feeling of him having a new gf is very strong & that even though he denied it.. Also, if she's a local, Dear wouldn't have the time to spend with me I guessed. How I wished my hunch was wrong.. If it's true & he admitted it, I may have just give up no matter what instead of now, hoping to win him back. I still pray for a glimpse of chance so if he's ever fallen for someone else, I should just give up coz there won't be any chance anymore..

It's really a hard time for me to go through this ordeal especially when I just started my work & I still got my dissertation to rush.. :( Can I just let go & get over him? This is simply torturous!!

21:55

Dear called. Was so happy when I heard his ringing tone.. He said he went Malaysia with friend to pump petrol & eat.. Asked if his friend was with him, he said his friend drives also.. Asked if he wants to stay over tonight.. He said he don't want coz he's used to sleeping on his own bed as it's bigger.. He still stayed over in January but why he suddenly change? :'(

After a breather..

2011-03-20T23:12:00.016+08:00

I finally fufill my thought of making breakfast for him before I left for KL. I tried making pancake for him but it turned out to be unsuccessful.. Wanted so much to do it again but there was no flour left so ended up I went to buy him Mac breakfast.. When I arrived, he was already having his breakfast.. I went to his room, I realised our photos were no longer in his room.. It hurts.. No matter how many times we quarrel or break up, his photos are always with me.. So does it means he don't love me anymore & planning to forget all about me? The thought of him made me teared once again..

Just back from KL.. I tried not to think of Dear when in KL but when I shower, I thought of him, when I eat or shop, I think of him.. I even thought of him when I sing or listen to songs.. Especially whenever I'm alone, my mind is filled with him.. How do I forget about him when my everyday revolved around him? My room, my plushies, my bag, my jacket, my ipod, my earphone, my necklace, my watches, practically my everything! I tried holding back my tears alot of times when I thought of him coz I didn't want my cousins to see my cry & ruin their mood.. I even dreamt of him almost every night..

Xueli told me he sure have someone in mind, if not he won't changed overnight.. I guessed so too.. He was still ok during CNY but now everything changed in less than a month.. Nevertheless for the change, I still bought stuffs that I thought he may like. I saw the 飞鼠裤 in KL & without thinking, I just bought it coz I knew that Dear would love it! Wanted to buy him a jacket too but when I asked Weijie to help me try on, it was abit tight so I fear Dear can't fit in. Howver before leaving the shop, I saw a nice berms & decided to get it for Dear too. I smuggled Bah Kwa back also.. Coz I heard Peiqin told me it's heavenly & Weixiang also said it was, so I wanted Dear & my family to try it too. There seems to be alot of things I wanted to buy for him but I hesitate coz am afraid he doesn't like it + I do not want to overspend as I'm already very broke now..

Told him what I bought for him then he told me he don't Bah Kwa.. For a moment it made me realised I don't know him that well anymore.. I bought him the blueberry oreo few days ago & when I asked if he tried, he told me he don't dare to eat coz it's oreo biscuit.. I felt a pain in my heart suddenly, why didn't I even know that? Didn't I ever noticed that or do I really neglected him too much? Or perhaps I don't see him eat before so I didn't know he don't eat? But I do remembered vaguely that he ever ate Oreo before in my memory.. That's strange when he told me he don't dare..

There have been many times my friends reminded me that we already broke up & there's no need for me to see for his things anymore.. Even till now, I still shop for him at times.. I just love looking for things to buy for him & that's my way of showing I care & love him..

Was checking my email when I got home & I saw a reminder of our anniversary.. The pain just gushed in once again.. I really fear of the 1st April to come & I dread it!

Planned to meet when I'm back but in the end, he wasn't at home.. Asked if he wants to meet tomorrow, he said see 1st.. My heart just sanked.. Thought he promised that he'll meet me after my trip.. Perhaps he really want to have a clean break up hence he's slowly avoiding me.. I remembered about our MotoGP trip when in KL & texted him asking if it's still on.. He told me it was & I was simply over the mood.. I thought at this point, he wouldn't want to go with me anymore.. Really looking forward to it but am afraid he find excuses or reasons not to go later.. Sigh.. I can blame no one except for myself, I brought all these upon myself.. I really hated myself so much! Bring so much agony to both of us.. If only we hadn't met..

These are the things I bought him..

This is the 飞鼠裤 I bought.. It looked weird but it's nice when worn on it.. :)

So true..

2011-03-17T22:07:00.005+08:00

Dear found out about my bites on my arms.. I don't think it's obvious but don't know why he noticed it.. I just can't helped but to bite myself to feel the pain, perhaps the pain on my arms will help erased the pain in my heart..

I asked if he wanted to accompany me & he readily agreed but I got to realised he thought I asked him to accompany me for dinner.. I really want him to accompany for the day & not just for dinner.. But well.. Sigh..

I know I've to let go no matter how hard it's gonna be.. It's my choice.. I knew this day would come & I gotta be strong.. Perhaps I should really let time heal everything & give him time to let go everything then I can start afresh with him.

Told Dear I'll change but he say if I'm willing, I would have done that long ago & if I were to change for him, I won't be happy as it's in me so things will start all over again in the near future.. Told him I'm telling him I will means I will.. I've thought it through & nothing matters more than him.. And that's why the decision..

Told Mandy what Dear told me about what he dislike about.. Girly told me if it's her, she'll not be happy too.. She told me, isn't it better this way that we don't quarrel anymore & why would I wanna change the current situation? True enough.. Dear also have the same feeling.. He's also afraid of getting hurt again.. I knew I've hurt him too deeply.. The feeling is exactly the same like what I fear.. But the thought of losing him forever is like a pierce piercing through my heart.. The pain is excruciating..

Dear said if we are meant to be, we will still to be together in future.. I know but it's just damn pain! Now I'm just going all out to do anything that can make him stay..

Unheard truths

2011-03-17T14:01:00.004+08:00

Dear told me alot of things that I wasn't told before.. He told me he can't get over HL incident & asked me to be better off with him as both of us have the same thinking.. Both of us are the same type of people.. It hurts when I hear this.. He kept emphasising the fact that I told him I was a little moved by HL but that doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean I'll be with him or must be with him. I know what kind of bf I want & HL will be the last for me to consider for sure! Perhaps I used the wrong word that time that caused him to brood over it even till now.. He told me since I'm happy with HL then be with him.. But when did I say I'm happier with him? He just saw photos & assumed I'm happy but there are many things he didn't know about it. Does he even know that I always quarrel with HL despite the fact that I looked happy when I was with him? He doesn't.. If I'm happy being with someone dictates I fancy him, then I guessed I'll be too busy fancy others.. Why don't he just think about happy moments when with him? There are even more happier moments with him than HL.. In fact, moments with HL wasn't any happy moments, just a tiding period for me to confide in. Dear said we shouldn't be together again after HL incident & I was so damn right that time. I told him that time as I knew he can't get over it.. I just know Dear too well.. But he said he believe me yet still let his mind run wild..

I've asked what did I do for the past 1 year. He said that I didn't care for him at all, just do whatever I want. Yes, I knew it but despite neglecting him, I really did not do anything else to hurt him.. He said he don't like me to out with some people yet I still go but I really don't know who else he dislike besides HL. Plus I already cut all contact with HL. Those whom I know I already gave up, I don't know what else I can do to make him happier. I kept probing till I finally got the answers.. He don't like to go out alone with guys, meet at nights & he dislike me to go overseas with guys & all I did. But going overseas was already when we are no longer together.. He also can't accept the fact that I turn to others when he was not able to help.. I feel so helpless.. He can't help yet I can't turn to others..

He also don't like me to go around telling people about our r/s.. I knew from the start he don't like so I was so afraid to tell anyone till things got worst & I need someone to help me solve coz I'm totally clueless of what to do.. But I didn't know he would mind so much.. I was merely looking for a solution to our r/s.. He also dislike the idea of me posting my emotions on FB.. Perhaps that's me, an emotional freak, I can't keep everything to myself, I'll go crazy so I've to let all my frustrations, my anger all let off to cool down.. Or perhaps, that's women..

He said he can walk out of this r/s so he's sure I'll be able to as well.. He said he'll be with me.. I wished I'm that strong.. My self infliction disorder just came back to me all of the sudden.. Perhaps I just can't take the blow.. Perhaps I care too much.. I really hate myself hurting him & hurting myself so much that things just went out of control now.. I know no matter what I do now is useless, he just didn't want to get hurt again.. I knew when I promised him I will change for him, I meant it.. I don't make empty promises.. When I know I can't I won't, but since I've made up my mind, I'm really willing to.. But he just feels I won't coz he felt if I will, I will change in the past & not now.. But its coz I realised what is the most important thing to me... HIM!!

Past Posts

2011-03-17T04:33:00.004+08:00

Reading at my past posts made my tears rolled uncontrollably once again.. There are many things I've yet to do for him, perhaps I should just do it for the last time.. For the watch he saw with Minchan, I wanted to buy for him so much that time when he mentioned. Since now I've just gotten my remuneration from helping Ronald's event, I should just follow my heart & buy it for him. I may not have the chance to buy him anything again.. I asked MC last night about the price & model again..

At times, I wanted so much to surprise him with the breakfast I made but I've been contemplating for very long.. I'm afraid he may not like it so I've been procastinating & not doing it. Am I just not bold enough to tell or do whatever things to show that I love him? Why must I hold back each time? He won't know how much I care for & love him if I always hold back & don't show it to him! I regretted.. Regretted of not showing.. I should boldly announced to the whole world that I LOVE HIM & CARE FOR HIM..

The hardest words, the hardest day

2011-03-16T22:09:00.012+08:00

I finally find out what I wanted to.. He has no gf & we have no chance of getting back together.. I cried hard.. Real hard! But my intuition tells me he lied.. The friend that he lately mentioned everytime should be his new gf & that's why he refused to let me take his photo & upload to FB.. He had a new haircut & it was really nice on him.. I wanted to take a photo & keep as a memory but he refused to saying that later I'll upload to FB.. I asked why he's afraid unless he's attached now.. But he told me he wasn't.. Perhaps my tears just can't stop rolling hence he's afraid of letting me know.. Could it be the hairstylist? I remembered him telling me she asked him out before.. My friends are have the same feeling too.. Plus I remembered I onced called him & Cai Seng was beside & he said something like "Why u call? He wanna go look for Jasmine one.." I asked who was CS talking to coz it seems like he's targetting at me but he told me was Ah Wee. Then I heard CS repeat what he said & he asked him to not talk nonsense.. Or perhaps he's not attached but have someone else in mind..

I asked him in the car if there is any chance that we can be together.. He said no.. I can't stop crying till now! He said like I say we ain't suitable so even when together, we'll still quarrel & break again.. But I never say we ain't suitable, but said we have different perspectives.. It's ironic to say we ain't suitable after so long.. He told me there are things he can't get over so no point patching up & asked me to move on.. He refused to tell me what are the things he can't get over, he said it will made me feel worst.. Told him no one can replace him in my mind but he said I just need to find someone else & I'll be able to forget him, it's just a habit.. If it's habit, then why would I still hang on to it? I can easily find someone to replace him as a habit isn't it?

Told him that we lacked proper communication & that affected our r/s but he said it's beyond communication. But if we had talk it out in the very start of the problem, things wouldn't be this way & I believe will be better! I asked if he still love me, he said if saying no will make me feel better then no..

I don't understand why he can change so fast within 1 mth.. Jan he still wasn't like this, Feb onwards, he changed.. Perhaps he really met someone new.. But he told me I'm the one who changed..

I have nightmare every night.. Nightmare of him don't want me anymore, having new gf.. I guessed I'm just thinking too much.. I knew I'll break down some day but I thought I can still hide & act non chalant.. But I'm not that strong..

I'm afraid of the 1st of every month especially the coming 1st April.. Everything is just about us.. Told him I've always loved him till now but he said if I have always love him, I'll not leave him & told him I need time to think about it.. But that does not dictate I don't love him! I'm just confused over our r/s due to the quarrels, I just need a breather from it.. Perhaps it's my karma.. Karma of not treating him nicely..

We shared too much memories.. Every corner of my room reminds me of him.. In fact, I've even thought of ways & things to do to make our r/s better in the event we patch up & I'm even willing to do whatever I can to make him happy & make our r/s a better one.

I foolishly thought an answer will urged me to move on but I'm wrong! I still can't.. I'm still where I am when I ended the r/s..

Arguement with Mum

2011-03-15T16:01:00.002+08:00

Had an arguement with Mum coz she called Dear to buy cigarettes.. Told her not to call him anymore to get anything coz I did not want him to feel that I'm making use of him.. Mum simply don't understand when I already told her my point view & said I accused her.. :( Dear once said when I needed him I'll look for him but when I don't, I can't be bothered so I really don't want to make him feel this way.. I will try to look for others for help nowadays instead of him to prevent him from thinking I'm making use of him.. Though he's still the 1st that came to my mind..

Sad..

2011-03-14T03:50:00.004+08:00

Met up with Serene they all.. Serene & Wendy told me to hold Dear back if I really can't live without him & don't think anymore.. I wanted to but don't have the courage to.. Coz I feel that Dear is already attached.. Sometimes he don't even reply my messages..

On our way home, Serene told me to ask whatever I wanted to know & tell him whatever I'm feeling. At least I've done what I needed to know & if things were really what I guessed, then at least I know I shouldn't pin anymore hope on this r/s anymore.. She told me I already know what I wanted but I'm just afraid.. True enough.. Told her when I asked if Dear is happier now, he told me he is.. In fact upon hearing this, it really made me think twice of asking him back.. Coz I really want him to be happier.. But it's really hurts that I can't be with someone I love so dearly.. I've got to give up coz of our differences whch we didn't managed to overcome.. Perhaps from the start we were straight forward enough, telling each other our feelings without hiding, things wouldn't turn out this way..

Perhaps I should face reality & ask him upright.. If he's really attached or don't love me anymore, I should just give up & stop pinning hope on this r/s anymore.. Though hurting but at least I will give my best to give up than holding on headlessly to a r/s that will never be mine again....

Just texted him asking if he's still out.. His reply was fast but when I asked if I can asked him something, he did not reply.. Still contemplating if I should call him or wait till a better time to ask.. I'm really lost.. I don't know what I should do now.. :( I really really feel like calling him but am afraid of spoiling his mood outside..

04:20

He replied but he said "You don't like people ask u, why u want ask?" I don't know why he turned so defensive for no reason.. And it's really for no reason.. And the fact that I didn't dislike him asking me things, I just dislike the fact that the tone of his voice seems interogatting.. Sometimes, it's just about the tone.. If his tone is nicer & sounded more concern, I wouldn't have flared.. Told him that I just want to know 1 thing & after which I won't ask him a single thing in future.. I merely want to know what's his answer now.. To urge me & allow me to move on with my life..

A happier him..

2011-03-11T03:29:00.004+08:00

Was waiting for his call & he finally called.. Told him I felt like going over, he said nastily: "Come over for what?! When we were together, u never want to come & now I want to." But then why did he let me go over after the TW trip & not now?

I told him how I was feeling but he sounded indifferent.. I bet he must have hated me though he told me he didn't.. He asked me to think about how I treated him this 1 year.. I seriously don't know what I did.. I did neglect him but I never treat him badly..

He said that now that without me, he can do whatever he like/want without having to worry about anything.. I asked if he's happier without me & he said he is.. So I'm really right to leave him & to make him a happier person.. I should be glad that my intention was answered but I'm not coz it will means the chances of us being together again is lower.. He kept holding the fact that I ever told him we were world apart due to our perspectives/values but he still don't understand that I broke up not coz of this but coz we could not solve our difference & it's hurting the both of us.. Rather than hurting each other, why don't we just put a halt to all the hurting? And in order to stop the hurt, breaking up will be the best solution..

He mentioned that when I needed him, I'll look for him & if I don't, I'll not be bothered about him.. I don't know what made him think that way but if I don't care, would I even bother to call him everytime I wake up? Would I even buy him some thing he likes when I see it? No!! It's coz I care & that's why he's always the 1st person that came to my mind when I needed him.. I could just approached any other person for help but I didn't..

I can't accept anyone even up till now coz I can't get over him.. He's always on my mind.. I just want to be with him & no one else.. No one can ever replace his place in my heart.. He's someone special to me & someone I love dearly..

Emo again..

2011-03-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

Was smsing Dear last night.. Told me he was tired so I asked if he didn't nap enough & he told me his friend was at his house so didn't sleep much.. As far as I remembered, he seldom lie on bed if his friends were around but when I called at that time, he said he was lying on bed.. Somehow, the feeling of him being attached is even stronger.. I replied: " Gf?" He did not responsed at all.. Perhaps it really was.. I wanted so much to asked him when I called him but I dare not ask again.. Perhaps I'm afraid to face the reality..

I called him when I was back from lunch but he was sleeping so I told him to call me after he wake up.. But after my nap, he still did not call.. Tried calling him & his hp was turn to roaming.. The disappointment just engulfed me..

There have been times I wanted to write to him like before when we were still together.. But when I hold my pen, somehow I just can't gather all my thoughts to write down how I feel hence didn't write in the end.. Perhaps our problem started to occur when I my moniversary letter started decreasing.. Coz the letter was always to express my inner feelings for him & as it grew lesser, he didn't understand my feelings/thoughts & also mistook my love for him is lesser & hence causes all these.. I should have just continue to write no matter how busy I am.. A belated is better than nothing, rather than causing us so much unnecessary misunderstandings..

Our break up really made me think alot.. Alot of things I've never realised when being with him.. My negligence..

Memories

2011-03-08T01:01:00.005+08:00

I watched the video Dear made for me the last time we broke up.. I know I'll cry for sure & I know I'll cry as badly as that time & indeed, it was as bad.. The photos brought back alot of memories.. Some of them were even some I'm looking for the other day but I can't seems to find..

Read the letter he wrote as well, cried even badly.. No matter how many times I read/watch, I'll definately cry.. Whenever I read the past messages he sent to me when I hurt him, I'll cry discreetly..

There are things I've never told him before.. I do make it clear to people who sweet talk or going after me that I love him dearly & won't accept anyone else except him.. I dare not tell him fearing he might want me to stop contact with him.. I just don't want things to turn that way so I thought by making my stand, it should be fine.. He'll never understand coz I never told him.

My emotions is out of control lately.. I just can't stop crying & concentrate on my work..

My love for him now is just like 7yrs ago.. In fact, it's deeper.. Perhaps both just ain't good in our words that causes our relationship to break apart.. It hurts, it simply hurts..

I also find that he don't seems to be his usual self lately.. He seems to be avoiding me & when I wanna hug him, he seems reluctant.. If he's got someone new, I'll wish him well. It's me who let him go, so no matter how tough it will be for me, I must endure & accept it.. But if he really does, I'll disappear from his life & never appear in his life again.. Perhaps when I get over him, then it will be a better to start contacting again.. Coz it simply hurts too much for me to see him attached when I still love him dearly..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really selfish on my part. I broke up on my wishful thinking wanting him to feel happier.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm at fault not being able to do things like he want..

Recollection..

2011-03-07T00:38:00.002+08:00

Some things just flashed through my mind of of the blue.. It made me realised how I've neglected Dear at times without realising it.. Perhaps that's the reason why he felt so insecure at times.. Things do get into my ears when friends commented that I was neglecting Dear but perhaps I was too egoistic to apologise or say something nice to appease him that causes things to turn ugly.. I'm just too adamant & egoistic at times.. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have done that to Dear.. :(

These few months have made me thought of alot of things that I never thought of before.. Perhaps it's only when the 2 of us ain't together then will I have the time to think it through.. We've just stayed stagnant too long & I was just getting sick to the everyday life of us.. Perhaps I lack of excitement in life hence I merely wanted to find back my lost excitement in life.. I was just too engrossed in finding my entertainment & neglected Dear so much so that I did not realised it.. If I could turn back time, I would tell him I'm wrong & I'm sorry..

Pain~~

2011-03-06T00:52:00.004+08:00

I wanted Dear badly to be stay with me for a movie but he didn't want to.. I can't hold back any longer so I cried in front of him.. When he left, I can't stop crying..

I texted him telling him how felt & he asked me what I wanted him to do. Told him I merely wanted to tell him what I'm feeling & he replied "This is what u wanted, be strong.." When I asked if he still loves me, he say's he don't know.. Upon hearing this, my heart just sank.. I was became so lost.. Coz don't know to me is he don't love me anymore.. Just that he don't know how to break it to me..

I wanted to tell him so much that I wanted him back at times but I know it sounds silly.. He would feel that I'm fooling his feelings but I'm not.. I just love him too much that I didn't want to hurt him..

I merely wanted to be myself when being with him. I do not want to hide my true self from him, that's too fake.. I may please him but in long run, I'll be suffocating.. But can he accept for who I am?

He' no longer mine.. If I kept crying over the fact that he's already not mine, how long must I cry? Yes, he's right, I really need to learn to be strong.. To be a stronger person..

Break down..

2011-03-02T00:31:00.004+08:00

I finally broke down today.. I cried & I can't stop.. I've not moved on till now.. It's supposed to be our 6yrs & 23rd months today.. I really love Dear alot & I'm not happy at all!! I hide my sorrows in front of him & my friends & I pretend I'm fine but the fact is, I'm not.. I did not want anyone to see me in this state.. I know I'll regret when I asked to part but till now I still hold the fact that break up will make us both feel better at least. At least now I won't upset him that much.. That's what I wanted him to be.. A happier person..

Asked him to go out for movie together with Kairong & Mandy but he doesn't want to.. He said he don't know them, & besides he already have no time for his own friends yet want to go movie with them.. It hurts.. I merely wanted to bring him closer to me circle yet he kept pushing them away.. How are we supposed to together if he do not want to break the boundary between us?

Days in TW

2011-02-26T14:24:00.004+08:00

The days with him in TW was great.. I love every bit of company.. How nice it would be if everyday are like the days the TW w/o quarrel.. I really wanted him badly but I'm afraid of quarrelling again.. I just feel that the quarrels will make us drift apart instead of loving more.

There were days where he hurt my feelings.. I felt the pain.. I was trying on cap & he asked "Do you think it's very nice?" I replied jokingly "Yeah, looked nice on me!!" And his reply was "Eh! KNS!! Pui!" I was simply disgusted by his tone & hurt by it.. I'll never say this kind of things to him.. NEVER! If I don't find it nice, I would just nicely tell him it's not nice.. I won't say things like KNS, pui etc.. He's loving & caring but just abit thoughtless at times.. :(

I always thought this trip will make us closer but somehow I felt that we had drifted apart.. I just had this feeling.. I remembered asking him to go to Kaoshiung with me in future & he said "See how lor, will be busy after this." He wouldn't have said this way last time.. Perhaps he just don't want to be so close to me anymore.. :'(

Lost~~

2011-02-12T01:50:00.008+08:00

It's been long since I last blogged..

It's been 4months & I still love him dearly.. But can we really be together? Can we really be happy if we continue? My decision to part with him was such a torture.. :( I still can't totally get over him.. I stil missed him when I don't see him, I still love to tell him the things that happened around me.. There are also times where I really wanted to ask him back but I fear thus I hold back..

I do agree with him that trust need to be build but have he ever trust me since we started? It's not just what happened between me & HL that made him mistrust me.. It's always been the case as far as I'm concern.. The way he interrogated me whenever I meet my guy friends is already a form of mistrust.. Of coz it's ok to ask but the way he asked is as if I've done him wrong.. It simply annoyed me..

I know he've changed for me but he's changing just to please me & not willingly.. He won't be happy neither do I.. In order not to hurt each other more, I guessed it's best to part.. But he don't see the way I do..

I can't moved on.. I've always thought of marrying him even till now.. But the thought of us quarreling over minor things made me freak out each time.. But I knew that if he proposed, I'll definately say yes! In fact, I've been waiting for all these years.. Yes, even after all the tiffs & arguements coz I knew I love him more than anything else! But perhaps I'm waiting for nothing..

I admit I'm close to my guy friends but being close doesn't dictate anything.. Not as if I'm being unfaithful to him. He loves me & I know it but I really can't stand the way he let his emotion rule his head & interrogated me as if I'm wrong but the fact is I'm not.. :( It hurts to know that he don't trust at all.. The main problem is that he have no confidence in himself & he tends to read too much into simple things.. Hence it's affecting me & our relationship alot..

I don't wanna lose him yet living in this kind relationship is also a torture.. I don't know how long we can last if this continue yet we can't resolve this issue after so long.. Can someone tell me how to do? :(

Torn

2011-01-27T21:58:00.004+08:00

It's been 3mths plus since we broke up.. I thought things have turn better but it wasn't the way as I thought..

Planned to cook dinner & eat together but he suddenly asked for the cap I bought from Sunway. I refused to give him coz I'm afraid he does not want to return me like the other time.. I love the cap & i really don't wish to give it away.. I asked him why he needed the cap, he told me he wanted to prevent his hair from ticking him so I told him there are so many other caps, can take them since it's the same. But he insisted on the Rip Curl cap & started to search high & low in my room. Told him it's in my room but he couldn't find it & still insisted me to pass it to him if it's in my room. It started to arouse my suspicion that he's suspecting that I bought the cap for someone else & not for myself.. Already told him I bought for myself & it's at home but he don't believe me! I kept asking why he wanted that particular cap when it's all the same if he merely wanted to prevent his hair from tickling him? But he can't give me a good reason & insisted on the cap. I flared! I asked if he's suspecting me buying it for someone else then he said if it's at home, just bring it out. Then I asked him, so what if I bought it for someone else? Then he replied "So you really bought it for someone lah?" I kept asking him to give me a good reason why he insisted wearing that cap & not others but he couldn't give me a good reason. all he said was coz he like the cap & wanna wear just that cap. It's crap!!! Got fed up & asked him to leave my house. He threw his temper at me when he's at fault! Before he left, I showed him the cap wanting him to know that it's REALLY with me & NOT HIDING ANYTHING FROM HIM!!

WTF!! I already said it many times isn't it? He JUST DON'T BELIEVE!! Fuck man! I'm getting annoyed with every suspicions he got!! He get suspicious over nothing each time! What the hell does he want from me? I tell him the truth he don't believe then does he wants me to lie? Will he be happier? Can't he just be contented & appreciated that I DON'T LIE to him instead telling him the truth? Tell him the truth he he also suspect, then what he want me to do? Keep mum & don't talk lor..

He have always thought that he'd given up alot in this r/s but he isn't the only one.. I gave up alot for him too.. But he simply don't realised & took it for granted.. I seldom meet up my guy friends when we started off & even pushed away my dates with whatever reasons I can think of everytime. I told him everything & learnt that he'll get upset if I tell him I'm meeting a guy friend hence I started to tell him I'm out with friend instead if I were to meet guy. But I don't lie if he asked who the friend was, I told him truthfully. He'll get upset about it.. So what? Lie to make him feel better?

Yes, he did change for me & I can see the change too but I'm sick & tired of everything already. I told him the truth he still doubt me so at times I seriously don't know what else I can do. He tried to give in & let me go out with my guy friends but he do it unwillingly. He just wants to make me feel happier but I'm not.. Coz I can't enjoy as I care about his feelings too much & it simply makes me feel guilty to leave him alone without me..

We have been quarreling even after break up which I don't understand why.. In fact I have my rights to go out with anyone without informing him since we are no longer together but it seems that I still tell him at times.. Alot have been telling me to totally stop contact so as to put a clean break to it but I'm worried for him.. I'm afraid he can't take it & I can't bring myself to do this to him too.

He stills suspects me even after break up.. He still gets angry over minor things.. I locked my hp after break up & he cannot take it thinking that I've got something to hide from him. But the fact is, I started locking coz he didn't like the idea of me locking when we were together so I started to lock after break up since no one will be unhappy anymore. But to him, it's otherwise & not so simple. I dislike the idea of people peeping while I'm sms-ing. I don't use to be like this but now I HATE IT!! It's disrespectful & invading people's privacy..

I hate it when someone doubt me even when I'm telling the truth. Then what's the point of being truthful? I should have just lie isn't it?

I guessed why I would care so much is coz I still love & care for him.. If I don't, I wouldn't get upset at all.. I've lost hope in the r/s at time but I still pin sone hope hoping things will be for the better during these time.. His name in my mobile is still Baobei.. I still keep our photos in my wallet & whenever I see it, I'll smiled.. Coz I missed him when he's not around..

It's picture time!

2009-04-19T03:23:00.007+08:00

Fri was shopping time for me, Diana and Yoke Ting. Met Diana's bf halfway through our shopping and he followed us to shop. They are such cute couple lah! They skipped halfway while they are walking. It's really damn funny!

Before we went home, we went explore Hyatt and Marriott Hotel. Damn nice can? It's Yoke Teng & my virgin night exploring hotels.. Next time shall go explore again!

Bf called to ask why am I not home & told me that it was late. WTH!! It's merely 9plus!! Can't I just go out with my friends? Can't I have my own space? Got so pissed off that I shouted at him.. I need my own space.. I have my circles of friends and don't you know that shopping is a woman's life?

Anyway, let's not talk about it anymore.. The more I think of it, the more I boil... Let's take a look at the picture we took during our last outing!!

I'm over the moon!!

2009-04-09T00:03:00.003+08:00

I finally found Brandon after soooooooo long!! I'm over the moon!! We finally get to chat after 12 yrs? We will some times bumped into each other but just passed by.. I still remember the watching him passing by me without daring to go forward to say hi to him.. But now, it's different! He emailed me after his sis told him about me! Thank god that his sis browse my blogshop and gave me the chance! Chatted with him in msn yesterday and I'm really VERY HAPPY!! Brandon Koh Kim Teck! You left so much memories in me!! =D

Today our channel's TSR all ended work at 10plus as all slots are filled up.. Wow! If only everyday is like this, I'll be damn happy! We were asked to study our M5 but me, Alvin and Yoke Teng were chatting for the whole day! I guess tmr will be a free-er day.. Coz slots are even more limited even though 2 TSR will be on leave tmr..

Well, my colleague, Roslind left the company with effect of today.. I don't know why but I guess she felt stressed working with all of us as all of us were in our 20s whereas she is the only "Aunty" which exclude my direct supervisor..

I lost my access pass! Shit!! I thought I left in my other bag but when I got home, I realised that it's not! I think I lost it this morning when I took out my card holder as I remember hearing something dropped but did not see what dropped.

Last Fri outing was a fun one.. I enjoyed it alot.. =) But one thing I don't like is my bf kept calling to spot check.. I hate it.. I know he cares but I just don't like the fact the he only call when he dislike me going out with them which I don't understand why.. Maybe he just feel insecure.. I don't know.. I'm starting to ponder over now..

Upload of our outing photos soon!! Good nite!

Back In Action!

2009-03-27T23:51:00.002+08:00

It's been more than a year since I last updated. Life has been busy and I'm simply too busy and tired to update. But now, I shall update once in a while.

Actually I'm turning in soon but thought of blogging so here I am! Back in ACTION!! Lol~

Finally Final Exams is over and done with and results are also out. Phew! Thank god I passed! It's been 3 weeks since I started working. Environment is good and colleagues are all fun loving too! I simply love them loads!

Though there have been demoralized times but still I must work towards to achieve my goals for a better pay!! Wahahaha~

Gotta turn in.. Update real soon!! Good night!

Catch Up Time~

2008-01-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

Went for physical test yesterday. Guess ive not exercised for too long, aching all over today.. I did sit ups, push ups & sit & reach.. Thought my sit & reach will improve after all stretching but nah.... No improvement at all!! The number of push ups & sit ups were also not up to my standard. Think when i constantly go for training, my push ups will be much better. I tried spder push up yesterday but i couldnt even do once. Dahz... Standard dropped sia..

But overall my results was excellent for my age. Weird right? I sucks lah seriously.. I wana do better & get better grades in my NAPFA next year!! Haha~

After PT, i met Rongmei at HV. Woo~ So long never see her.. Haha~ She put on so much weight lah.. Nearly couldnt recognise her.. Guess what? The 1st thing she saw me was " Wah~ Still havent grow taller ar?" Started to chat about everything, from ITE to our own life now. Really nice catching up with her after so long.. Bleah..

Too busy catching up till we forgot all about taking picture for remembrance. After she sent me home, we took a few pic in her car quickly as shes rushing to fetch her gf. Wahaha!!

Finally shes at least smiling in this oic. =)

Peeling~~~

2007-12-28T17:12:00.000+08:00

Wah~ Went for chemical peeling last week & the effect was seen only 3days after it.. My bf was startled by it when he woke up in the morning & saw me peeling so badly. I thought it would last for a day or 2 but till now its still peeling so badly.. Even after applying lots of moisturiser, its still visible & flaking..

My whole face feel so tight & dry.. No use applying mosituriser.. Wonder how long more it'll last.. Im starting school soon!! How am i going to to out with my peeling face?? Scary lah..

Cant go for project meeting, cant go for training.. Can only be stucked at home.. Argh!!!!!!! I regretted it!!!

SO HORRIBLE CAN??????

Ouch!!

2007-12-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i last went cheerleading training. Been super busy with school work ever since school reopens.. Projects, icas, projects, icas, never ending!!

Finally i went yestrday.. The training method is different from what it used to be.. Hmm.. Aching after yesterday's training.. Should go for training regularly to keep fit.. Without trainings, im so slack & will ache so easily..

Nationals is coming.. How i wish i were chosen but i doubt i will.. Even if i were, i cannot commit as im too tight up with school stuff. Maybe i simply sucks at my time management.. It would of course to great if i were chosen but.. Haiz.. I think i simply sucks at everything.. I cant do well in whatever i do, be it school or cheer.

Im such an old woman who is not flexible enough to do all sorts of stunts.. If only i were flexible enough.. I couldnt dance well too.. Sometimes i really wonder why am i in cheer when i sucks at all these! But nevertheless, i'll never give up!! My passion for cheer is still as strong!! I'll train hard even if i break my bones!! Lol~

I SIMPLY LOVE CHEERLEADING!!!!!

Innovative Japan's food!!

2007-11-20T19:32:00.000+08:00

My BB bought 2 different boxes of Doraemon "Tong Luo Shao" alike and a "chicken" cookie from Japan. Its not really cookie but its of a thin layer of skin with filling inside.

They even come with its own plastic bags. The box itself is already very stylish and its contents are real cute! Shall post the photos of those i've opened, will upload photos again when i open the other box . =)

See? Its of custard filling inside.. Yummy!!

Both sides of the plastic
CUTE RIGHT???

His Sweetness =)

2007-11-16T20:33:00.000+08:00

See what my BB bought for me in Japan.

This earphone is sOoOo nice & unique!! I love it to the core man!! I doubt i can find this anywhere in Spore!

Im not too sure if Spore sell the same design, but i dont think so. That'll be great!! Then i wont see anyone wearing the same jacket or carrying the same bag as me. Hee~ Btw, I think Japan's Adidas is much more cheaper than Spore, the jacket only cost abt S$60 which i think the cheapest jacket i can get in Spore is abt S$90 minimum.

The difference in Spore's & Jap's Batt. Funny thing is.. Both are "Made in Japan"

The Canon batt also much cheaper. Cost abt $60 if im not wrong when i get in Spore at >$100. Had always wanted to get an extra batt but dont bear to part with my $$ for just a batt & since BB's going to Japan, get a batt from there much more worthwhile.

Hard Rock Tee

Last, the Limited Edition Vodka!!

Quiz Result: Are You A Good Flirt?

2007-10-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

RESULT:

Worried~

2007-10-22T09:39:00.000+08:00

Finally had my lasik surgery after a year of waiting.. The feeling is great but at the same time irritating. I would have dry eyes that caused blurry vision & i even have difficulty using the laptop. Im trying my best to type the correct word NOW!!

Went for follow up last week & i plucked my tears gland. Everything was fine and even improving till Saturday.. I experienced painful, dry eye on my right. Called up SNEC but the stupid PR kept saying that its normal & its due to dry eyes.. She can asked me if i could see clearly at the bus number & if there's any improvement if i used eye drop. Told her i barely see the bus number & that eyedrop isnt helping AT ALL!! Yet she still claimed its NORMAL????

She still can say "Dont worry, its normal.. Lasik patient will experienced fluctuation in vision."

HEY!!! I COULD SEE CLEARLY ON FRIDAY & ITS A SUDDEN DROP IN MY VISION!! IS THAT STILL NORAML???

She says that emergency case is if i fulfill any of the 3 symtoms.

EXCRUCIATING PAIN IN THE EYE

BLOOD SHOT RED EYE OR

DROPPED IN VISION, LIKE NOW I CAN SEE MY FRIEND BUT SUDDENLY I CANT SEE MY FRIEND AT ALL.

THAT'S CALLED EMERGENCY CASE!!

By the time i experienced any of this 3, i would probably already be BLIND!!!

Finally i cannot take it!! i went to see a GP yesterday. The GP told me its kind of serious as i have an abrasion on my cornea of my right eye & that i need to see an eye specialist this morning. Im on MC today as i need to see my surgeon later. Hopefully there's no complications of it & that everything will be fine..

Pls pray for me everyone!!!~

Dear Overseas Trip

2007-10-14T17:16:00.000+08:00

Dear went Japan this morning.. He gonna be there for a month..

Kinda miss him now..

Time seems to slow down w/o him..

Wonder how is he doing now..

Wonder if he would miss me..

I SIMPLY MISS HIM LAH!!

Shopping Therapy~

2007-10-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

My pocket has a real BIG hole now.. Thanks to all my shopping spree! Bought 2tube tops, 1spheg, 1jeans, 1tee, 2 dresses, a choker & a pair of earrings. I spent around $160 for everything. After deduction of choker & earring cost, average price for each clothes is about $20. Should be considered quite cheap i guess coz got 2dresses & a jeans leh.. Shall wait for my dear cousin to come back from overseas then i go again to see what i can get.. 40% off leh.. Hehe.. But must wait till i touched up the hole in my pocket 1st.. Just pray hard i wont be free to shop lah~ =x

1st 5 items are all from Blossomz..

Cute right? I fall for it the 1st time i see it..
Now i can dont need to fret what to wear for my Godbro's wedding dinner lor.. Coz the 2 dresses solved it all~ Lalala~

Got to save hard this month liao.. Broke... Really broke.. If only $$ can just fall from the sky.. lol~

Nice Ambience~

2007-09-27T02:40:00.000+08:00

Dar got to know this place when doing the setting up for them. It was a newly opened spa. Told me that he'll bring me there when he's free & he did. Its REALLY damn nice lah!! With restaurant & rooftop dining, spa & resort. Can u imagine dining the rooftop & facing the sea or watching people swimming below you?? How nice it is.. Guess its also a nice chill out place to go.. =) Took some random pics.. Anyway, for your info, the room in the center of the pool was intended for spa therapy but think that day got special guest coming so it turned out to be a dining area.

The Rooftop Area

The View from the rooftop

Close Up of the glass room

Happy Birthday to my Darling!!

2007-09-23T22:24:00.000+08:00

The last time i baked was like dont know how many months ago, lost form for baking already.. But still, baked Black Forest Cake for my Darling.. Wasnt as successful as expected but at least it still turns out fine. =) I believe practice makes perfect!! So as long as i bake more frequently, should be better the next time round. *Bleah*

Hee~ Can u see the uneven cream??
He still have to work on a Saturday so we did not go anywhere to celebrate.. Stayed home & rot.. No one was at home so, no 1 can help us take picture so in the end, poor us.. He have to take all alone. Luckily we managed to take 2 together but, without the cake!! Ahahaha!!

Anyway, Happy Birthday to u, Happy Birthday to u, Happy Birthday to Darling, Happy Birthday to u!! Loves u lots..*muacks* Hope u wont mind my lousy baking skill =x

HAPPY SWEET 23rd BIRTHDAY!!

Tom Noddy aka the Bubbleman

2007-09-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

Found videos of Tom Noddy. Clicked to watch it & to my surprised, it was him dont know how many years back! He looked sooo young. Lol~ So cute!! The only difference in him now is that he had become rounder. Hehe~

Shall upload for you to see his difference.

Years back..

Now...

Enjoy his Bubble Magic!!

Im simply over the moon~~

2007-09-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

OMG!! Know what? I found Caesar Twins video in Youtube!! Its like more than 10 videos of them! Its really crazy!! But almost all of them are in German! Gosh!! How i wished i could change my elective to German now!!!

Dont know why alot of people linked them for the wrong motives. Alot were gays blogs.. Im not having prejudiced against gay but Caesar Twins are STRAIGHT for goodness sake!! So why do they still post them in their gay blog? Oh maybe cause Caesar Twins acts make people think they are 1?

Oh well, lets not talk about it anymore. Thought their acts were patent & cant published any video of them? Perhaps Markus havent seen it yet? Or perhaps its meant to be publicized? I really have no idea.. Lets see how.. Maybe in 1 or 2 months down the road, it will be removed again. Just like what happened to the Crystal Mirror clips.

Remember months back i posted on them at Singapore Crystal Mirror performance? I couldnt post the video up as it has copy right issue, now i found so many video, shall upload for you to have an eye opener on their astonishing performances!

You may not understand as its all in german but just focus on their performance will do. The video also features them on something ive never seen before in Crystal Mirror, their TUMBLINGS!! They can do their roundoff back tuck so easily!

Anyway, these videos that i upload is exactly like the performances ive seen in Crystal Mirror. The last one will be just show you how amazing their tumblings were.. Enjoy!!

Their Unique "Fishbowl" Performance

HOPE YOU"LL LIKE IT!!

You may have seen other acrobats doing something similar but bear in mind, Pablo, was injured & was told that he was never gonna walk/perform again. But today, he is together with Peirre, performing & bringing the joy to others once again! =)

Magvers

2007-09-03T03:20:00.000+08:00

Went to Magnum Xchange last Saturday.. Their whole squad was damn big lah.. Can swallow our team sia.. Their people were fun loving & they joked & played like crazy.. Cant remember their name as its too big a group. They got alot of mei nu also. Their legs were all so toned up & nicely tanned & that explains why they wore tights for training. Damn sexy lah~ =)

We did our warm ups, stretching & conditioning together. The stretching was damn painful lah.. Hee~ Karen saw me having difficulty stretching, she helped me in all the stretching.. Its killing me lah!! Still heard a "crack" sound when stretching.

After the xchange, we joined them for their EGM.. Saw their video footage of their hard work for the nationals & the even cried together after the results.. Damn touching lah.. I keep holding back my tears.. Hehe~

Me & Huda

Warming Up

Briefing for All

Let's keep the mats & run for shelter!!

Cam-whoring time!!

Group Photos
Shall upload more when i get hold of more photos!!

Fulfilling Nights

2007-08-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

Saturday, went back to my old hometown to dine with my family to celebrate Dad's & Bro's birthday after training.. So many memories just flashed in my mind when i was walking towards my old block.. Met up with Han ming awhile. He came 537 find me & i kept laughing non-stop as he put on alot of weight!! Kept asking why he is so fat now.. He used to be slim.. Haha~ After dinner, met up with Weelee then followed him to Bt Batok where some of our primary school mates were. Met Mingfeng & Junxiong but didnt get to see Yaohui & Shiping as i left not long after. Everyone seems to change or have I not meet them for too long? The last time i met them was like about 3-4yrs ago on my birthday.. Weelee-very Beng & mischievious as before, Junxiong-soft spoken yet humorous & Mingfeng- nothing much to comment. Probably he did not change much..

Went Westmall to watch Dead Silence with Bro & gf & parents. The show was not bad but i dont like the ending though. After watching, i adjourned to MOS to meet Weelee & the rest. When i reached, his friend thought i was underaged when he asked his friend to sign me in. Hmm.. do i look that young? I doubt so.. Probably my height plays a very big part.. Lol~ I think 1 of his friends were VIP as i was given a chop of VIP on my forearms.. Sat there stoning as only Junxiong & him were around. The rest were his friends whom i dont know. Luckily his ex was there to accompany me & he did not pang seh me also. =)

Went Dragonfly around 3plus where i met Yushuang (my ITE friend) & Guoyuan (another pri school mate). We dont need to queue again, just go in without having the need to queue! Wahaha~

Initially i thought a fight might start anytime as when Weelee & I walked out from Dragonfly, saw someone who kept staring at him lah.. I also started looking to see why that guy kept staring then i realised its Guoyuan!! Ahaha~ Blind Weelee!! Reached home around 7am.. Damn happy lah!! Met so many primary friends in a day!!

1 & Only Photo taken in MOS

Sunday, woke up & met Han ming for dinner. I didnt want to eat initially as ive eaten when i woke up but he insisted that i join him for dinner so bo bian..

Went up his place before dinner & for less than 5mins, I went down again to meet Ah Qiang (Pri schmate cum ex-neighbour). Haha~ He also put on weight.. I guess guys tends to put on weight before or after married.. Too happy liao so keep eating.. Chatted awhile & Ah Boy came along so he left with his wife to get some things.

Wanted to go Ah Boy house visit his Mum but Han Ming came down looking for me so i went off for dinner together with "Da Sao" & him. Wanted to meet Ah Bui too but he not free.. =(

Went back Han Ming's place after dinner, borrowed alot of cds from him for my Dad to watch. Then when Ah Boy's family dinner was over, i met him downstairs.. Cant go over his place as his mum were already asleep so we chatted downstairs.. Thought Ah Di was not joining as he sent his grandpa home then while i was replying my Dear's msg, he suddenly scared me from my back. Walau!! Make me jump up lah!! Both Ah Boy & Ah Di kept laughing at the point. Were chatting about our past & current lives.. Got to know that Ah Di getting ROM soon.. Walau!! He younger than me & Ah Boy yet he's the 1st to get married.. Got to realised my childhood friends all getting married.. Han ming, Ah Bui, Ah Qiang, Ah Chuan & Ah Di.. OMG!! Time really flies..

Still remember Ah Di cooking an egg for me when he was about 9.. We were at 523 then he used this empty can & boil an egg for me. So cute.. He even wrote me a card asking me to go 537 often. Now, when he sees me, he dont even call me "Jie" lor.. Only Ah Boy still addresses me.. Ah Di ar.. Haiz.. All grown up liao.. Been 11-12yrs since they become my "Di"..

Wanted to ask Weelee pei me go Alif buy prata but he slept like a dead log that no matter how many times i called or sms, he just won't wake up. Didnt want to trouble Ah Boy coz its not on his way as he lived down another direction. But he so guai lah.. Accompany me go then when i wanted to send him home, he says he'll just walk home. Its near lah but i take cab ma & can detour.. What warms my heart was while on our way to Alif, he met his campmate & he told him that he's accompanying his "Jie" to buy something. Really warmed my heart upon hearing that.. =)

So many things & people to catch up with.. I simply missed my old hometown & childhood friends!! Must go back gombak more often if i got time!! Ahahaha~

EMRS over..

2007-08-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

Finally the day i awaited has arrived but somehow i felt the ache inside.. I suddenly dont wish to leave EMRS as i thought i would.. I guess i just hated the feeling of helping school earning profits & i dont hate my stopover at all!! =)

Our last debriefing by Mr Chong touched me so deeply that i almost cried. My tears were just at the brink of my eyes when Mr Chong showed us the slide show he created specially for us-EMRS 2007 Batch 2.. On 1 part when he sincerely thank 13 students, i was really shocked to see my name in his list. REALLY!! I thought what i did was what i needed to & so i didnt thought of him thanking me. But i really must thank him as he really is of great help to me during the mega roadshow. If it wouldnt for him, i guess i'll stay even later than 1130pm & will forever stock counting non-stop.

Was rushing to work that day so did not really take many pics.. Now i kind of missed alot of them especially Ashley who never fail to make my days filled with laughters.

EMRS Team 3

Fan Sheng & MeMe & Zhiwen -> My good helper during Mega Event Brian & MeMe & Siqi

[Team 2 Cliques]

Me & Cat
(Another Great helper during Mega Event) Me & Ang Yiling aka Ang Sum Seng Derek & me

Yvonne & Me

Chinglin & Me

Mr Chong & Me, sitting on the table!

With Mr Sim trying to accomodate my height ;)

Just a darling outside EMRS =p

Yeah! Counting Down

2007-08-13T18:55:00.000+08:00

Yeah!! Finally it's my last week in this monsterous attachment!

Why monsterous?? Bcoz we are unpaid & have to help school earn lots & lots of profits! I simply hate this kind of feeling! Shouldn't school priority be teaching instead of profit making??

I guess my greatest happiness from TEP is at UOB! Though there's training to go through & faces unreasonable customers but at least it's better than at EMRS helping the school earn money!! At least at UOB i'm doing something at ease & not against my consciences.

My only worries now is getting back to my books!! Yes! It's books! Ive not been studying for 1/2 a year & now im getting on back to my books! Have been relaxing & not using my brains for books & now.. Haiz.. Disastrous it will be i guess.

But well, I'm leaving!! Yes!! Shall start counting down from now!!!

I couldnt believe my eyes!! Haha~

2007-08-05T20:41:00.000+08:00

Happened to chanced upon this bitch's blog! Just for your info, by reading your entry about me, makes u damn childish! OH my, maybe you havent grown up, tts y.. But poor u.. Why must u be so insecured & twisting the words around??

Why would i want to make excuses to meet J when i already have my Sweetie?? Morever, making excuses to meet J just for a 50c lighter? Do u think i care when i even throw away his passbook??

Having said to message u nonsense to make u quarrelled with J is such a joke! & was it U who rift the wedge btw me & J or was it me who rift the wedge btw u?? Haiz.. I bet u must be suffering from some kind of depression that makes you think otherwise.. Or maybe suffering from amnesia which makes you loss of a large block of interrelated memories.. (Who was the 1 who harassed me with messages & who was the 1 who kept talking bad about J??)

U still have to cheek to mention that u thinks people who are dependent on their bfs are silly bimbos & are stupid & materialistic. They aint attractive at all coz they are weak & you dislike being that weak. Wow!! As if.. Thought you have been living off J & family? Yet u still have the cheek to say that J's bro & wife is living off his parents!! Hey~ didn't you realised that it's U & J that were living off his parents??

You mentioned that I hated the fact that you are better than me in whatever areas, be it figure/character or looks. You mentioned that you are not that ego but that is the fact of what i thought of u. But look!! Why must i hate you for that?? What's the use of such BIG BREAST & nice appearance?? What's most important is a good character which i think u lacks in it. So why would i hate u for that??

So what if i cannot make it as in appearance? So what if u have a "C" Cup?? It doesnt make you any better!! Lol~ At least J's family LIKES me & DISLIKE U!! By having his family liking is more than any other things!

What's so great about J? He's nothing but a stone to me!! He sucks simply!!

By not having such BIG BREAST & Nice Appearance, I've won the heart of my Sweetie.

Unlike u.. Yes!! You may win the love of many but definitely not their HEART. Simply because they like you not for WHO U R but WHAT U HAVE! Lol~

I remembered vividly that you said J was such a shit & that even if he's given to u FOC, u wouldnt want it. But guess what?? You r just so despo to take him in less than a week after telling me this!!

SEE?? That's the effect of BIG BREAST & NICE APPEARANCE creature.. Lack of LOVE!!

D&D @ Amara

2007-08-05T17:32:00.000+08:00

Had my company D&D yesterday. The theme was "Back to School" & our school was none other than MHC High. There were so many of them wearing school uniform to attend the dinner. Even the doctors came in school uniform.

There was this act on short skirts & high socks & it's damn funny lah. A shame that I did not take any video. If i know it was so funny, i would have videoed & posted it up.

There were flag rising at the beginning of the dinner & flag lowering at the end of the dinner where all sang our "MHC High" school song.

Can u see the flag at the back?? It's flag lowering while singing our "School Song"

The dinner programme planned were great!! There were P.E, Art, Music & Drama lesson.

Initially Dr Lai selected my as the P.E rep, but luckily got changed to Dolly. It was a Hula Hoop competition!! Lol!! Dolly was great but too unfortunately, a young boy beat her!!

We were to dress up a person with the resources provided. Dr Lai was our model. I find that he was well dressed as compared to others, but too bad he did not win.

Music lesson was hilarious!! They were to sing & dance "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in an indian escent tune.

Haiz.. I was selected for the drama.. Sharks~ I was dumb folded when it was my turn. I had to produce sound effect for the movie "Kungfu"! The guys were great though. ;p

Exhausted!!

2007-07-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

Finally have the time to update!!

Been mending my booth for the past few days & going home only at 11plus.. =( Sales had been extremely good that we had to work through lunch. The flow was really non stop even when "Hey Gorgeous" started filming. All the other booths were so free that they can watch the filming but NOT us!! Haiz.. Poor us.. Finally the Summer Event is over but i still got alot of stock count & packing to do. Really worn out..

In logistic room choosing clothes

Last Friday, 27 July o7, "Hey Gorgoeus" came to our school for filming. Woo!! Elvin is sOoOo dashing!! This is my 2nd time seeing him in person! The 1st time was already so "Wow" when it was a distance away. This time round, he was sOoO NEAR me!! When i was setting up my booth, he came over to browse through the clothes!! Fiona, Ben & Dasmond were there too. Fiona is sOoO pretty & slim. Hehe~ Had just met Ben about a week ago when he was filming "Code Red".

As for the contestants, one word-puke! All the contestants were like errr... Not handsome nor pretty. I think i can grab anyone in school better looking than them! Worst still, 1 of the contestant chase after the crew to be spotted & pre-planned everything! Dont understand why she got chosen too. Think their eyes got stamp or vision blocked. Even the Hunk & Babe winner were errr... The guy was alright lah but the gal... Think i still prefer F1 of all 3 female contestants.

I'm not those who will go after artistes just to get their signature or something. But since i couldnt stock count after the event ended & got nothing to do, i went to see the result of the hunk & babe. Took a few pictures of the hosts & manage to get hold most of the host to take a picture with me after the filming ended. I approached Ben & Fiona 1st then Elvin. Dasmond was no where in sight after that. Ben was friendly whereas Elvin was those shy type. Wah!! Ben, Dasmond & Fiona were only approached by a few people as compared to Elvin. I don't know why, maybe he's simply too HOT?? People were squeezing & snatching to have a snap with him. When i managed to get hold of him, people snatch my shot away! Damn pissed! In the end, i just stand beside & asked him to look at my camera & snap! Hehe~ Clever eh?? If not i'll never get to take lah!! Coz even if i get ready, people still keep bugging him. Nevertheless, i still managed to have a snap with him! Yeah!!

Elvin poising for other's to take. So i just took it also.

Camera hang so managed to only snap a few shots

Did you see that extra behind us??

Wanted to take alone with Elvin but JX wanted to join so i took another one! Lol!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ NDP Preview ]

Went NDP preview last Saturday. Heh~ This is my 1st time watching it "Live".. I know im abit "sua koo" but ive always find it boring that is why i always didn't want to go. But this time round, find that i should try to have the fun of it since everyone around me says its fun. Well, it turns out to be alittle boring but the fireworks part was great!! Haha~

Fireworks @ Shears Bridge

The minute people from where i was seated
Cam-whoring

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ Haw Par Villa ]

Heh~ Went Haw Par Villa with my hubby. Been donkey years since i last went with my family. Well, nothing much but still had fun exploring & seeing interesting things.

Entrance @ 10th Court of Hell

Lastly, advertisement for "Tiger Balm Oil"

Wanted to go Tang Dynasty too but shamely it had already been tear down. =( Never been there before.. Sianz..

Pondering over Ricky's Death

2007-07-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if it's really his ashes inside.. Heard people saying that those who cremated him will cremate him together with other animals & not private cremation.. So don't really know if its really him when the ashes come back.. I really hope they respect us as their master & the pet. Though they may be just an animal but still they needed to be respect. We called to enquire about his death cert but thet claimed that we have to pay an additional of $30 to get it. Bloody hell!! They didn't even inform us about this when we cremate him!! Is it too late to tell us now?? Even im willing to fork out the $30, you cant even produce the death cert NOW!!

Ricky's Ashes

It's already the 2nd week but still, I couldnt get over him.. Will still cry whenever i think of him.. I even cried in front of his ashes some days back.. I missed him badly & i really do.. Missed all the moments with him.. Regretted i did not cherish him when he is around.. When he's gone then i felt that i should have cherished him earlier..

Celebrate with Hubby 9/7/07

2007-07-14T16:58:00.000+08:00

My Birthday Gift From Hubby

Been aiming this watch for very long already!! Love you loads!! =)

Did not have any program in mind... So just went to have our lunch & off Escape Theme Park as i suggested.. Reached Pasir Ris but Escape was closed!! It only open on weekends!! WTH!! Wasted our trip down.. Went to the beach to have a walk then adjourned to town to repair my watch. After that went for my waxing & off to dinner at Holland Village.. The pizza was not as delicious as before, a little regretful.. Did not take many pictures too, just some random pictures at the restaurant. =)

My Food

Yummy!!

Dessert

What a face! Haha~

23rd Birthday Celebration

2007-07-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

Off to Partyworld to sing. It's been a long time since i last meet up with my cliques as im attached to UOB & most of the time i'm outside school. Though i still felt moody over Ricky's death, I stilled enjoyed singing & catching up with them.

They bought me a piece of cake with my zodiac, which i thought was my birthday cake. But to my surprised, they bought me another whole cake. Wenli said she was going to the ladies & Serene followed.. Serene came back saying long queue at the ladies & i believed her. After a while, Wenli came in together with the waiter with my birthday brownie!!

Brownie Birthday Cake

Brownie with Mouse Cake

I wish...

Happy Birthday to me

Fhoo!!

Opps!!

Mouse in my mouth

=================================================================

Some random pics

Did not have much of picture that have the 4 of us! Plannig to take it after our singing session but my camera went FLAT!! Ta Ma De!! Anyway, we went to shop around at Chinatown & went to a temple that is full of Buddha status & went to have our dinner before we headed home..

Anyway, thanks girls for celebrating with me!! =)

Lingers Thoughts~~

2007-07-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

Was expecting Ricky to come wagging his tail when i opened the doors..

When i don't see him, i feel like calling him..

I don't hear footsteps of him anymore..

Someone knocks on my door & I'm expecting Ricky to bark as usual..

No more pee or poo in the toilet when i stepped into it..

No more begging for food from us..

No more rubbish around the bin as he's not here to dig out the rubbish in the bin..

Used to closing all doors before leaving home..

I somehow still sense his presence around when i turn back..

I still search for Ricky when i don't see him..

Why do i still do things i used to do??

Simply because i feel so empty & lost without him!! =(

Memories

2007-07-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Memories of him kept flashing in my mind.. I simply missed him badly!! Real badly..

Where do you find a dog who knows how to knock the door?? & i mean really knock!!

Where do you find a dog who eats lettuce raw??

Where do you find a dog who will look at his tooth innocently when his tooth dropped??

Where do you find a dog who snatches to eat apple & bananas with you??

Where do you find a dog who eat pandan cake & wake you up??

Where do you find a dog who is camera shy??

Where do you find a dog who hides when he knew he did something wrong??

Where do you find a dog who hides behind you when he is afraid??

Where do you find a dog who is afraid of thunder??

Where do you find a dog who gets jealous when someone hugs you??

Where do i ever find a dog who is cross breed yet cute & brilliant??

Where do I find all these ever again??

Lonliness + Queitness = Sadness

2007-07-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

Reached home without hearing Ricky's bark, Ricky's footstep & his sight.. Felt so much uneasy without him around.. Alone at home with not even a dog around.. Used to have him walking around or even staying with me in my room but now.. Everything just seems like a dream..

I still could not accept the fact that he had left us.. I still wake up looking for him when i see no sight of him. I'll still call/wait for him when i stepped in my home. I'll still close my door before i left for home.. Just so used to having him around.. Now i'll have to slowly adapt all these changes for the pasted 14 years!

I did thought of doing a autopsy to reveal the truth behind his death. I dont want him to die wrongfully yet it will be too cruel for him!! But I want justice to be done for him if found that it's the vet fault!! Ricky could have just get inflammation due to the vet negligence. I was only thinking to myself & i didn't know dog got autopsy too till i found out today.. But everything is just too late now.. He's already been sent for cremation..

Aint he cute?? Too bad, life's just too short for him.. =(

In Memories of Ricky ='(

2007-07-02T09:39:00.000+08:00

My dog passed away yesterday.. I cried throughout the whole night & find that it's like having a bad dream. But when i woke up, i have to face the reality again..

I was outside when i heard that he's gone.. My heart pounded loudly & i began to cry loudly when boy was trying to rush home!! He was still alright when i left the house but why did he suddenly go all of a sudden?? I rushed back to see him lying on the floor motionless with his tongue sticking out.

14 years!! It's been 14 years since he's with us.. Now everyone feel awkward as if we've lost something in our family. Felt so empty without him following you around..

I know it may be better for him to just go rather than suffering with illness.

But i blamed myself for bringing him to the vet. Due to insufficient blood in his paws, the vet has to collect blood sample from his neck for blood test. I regretted for letting the vet do so as it had caused him to have a big bruise around his neck! He was alright before we brought him to the vet. He still could walk around & asking for food. After visiting the vet, he lazed around & refused to eat, drink, move nor even going to the toilet for the next 4 days!!

What will happened if a human were not to eat or drink for 4 days? Let alone a dog whom does not know how to express any agony or pain. He's so weak that he even fall upon steps.

4 days after visiting the vet & now he left us.. Leaving us FOREVER..

If i did not bring him to the vet, maybe he could have lived longer.. Really longer than just 4 more days...

Departure Date: 1st July 2007

D.O.B: November 1993

Name: Ricky

May you Rest in Peace

Misses~ =(

2007-06-23T18:21:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through the photos that i used to take with Vesperians. Alot of things just flashes through my mind.. Loads of misses towards them.. Really!! Simply missed the times, the fun & trainings we had together.. But there's no way for returning.. Too many misunderstanding just stand in us.

My last photo with them

Simply missing them!

If only i could turn back time..

Surprised Reply!

2007-06-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

I'm sure some of us must have heard about the 933 DJ, Zhou Chong Qing, bicycle accident right? Haha~ I somehow got his number from my clinic some time back & i actually tried messaging him today lah. To my surprised, he actually replied my message!! Lol.. So shocked lah.. Thought he would just treat it as some insane case & ignore.. Haha~

Anyway, for those who love him, he's recovering well except for his left arm needs more time. (This is what he tell me lah) Keke~ Siao lah.. Don't know where i get the courage from to anyhow message him lor. We've not even talk before, maybe lah, in clinic when i dispensed to him lor. Lol~

Last Day Internship in UOB

2007-06-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

All of us stayed till 7plus before we left the office. Were all abit reluctant to leave though. Haha~ Time really flies, its just a twinkling eye & 2 1/2 mths of internship is over. Learnt alot of things & had alot of fun during this period. Was wondering how would life be like when i return back to school.. Will definately miss all of them though time spent with them were short yet memorable. Though from now onwards, no more of nasty calls will i ever get again yet never will i get compliments from customers ever again.

These are some of the photos that we took on our last day with some fellow colleagues & Team Leaders/Manager.

The most captivating voice ever ;)

Dino & me

Team Leaders & Great friends I've made

Me & Damian

Hairin & Me

Sara & Me

Joey & Me

Temps Staff & Merchant Saviours

Surrounded by 4 hunks

Me & Augustine

Me & Sleepy look Kyle

Me & the Act Cute David

"Wu Zhun" look alike, Ronan & me

Lady Rules

Adilah, Dorin, Yiling, Brenda, Wileen & Nadia

Group Photos

With Leon, the overall in charge

Didnt know Leon is so vain lah~ Purposely took his glasses out just for the shoot.

Serious offence =(

2007-06-04T14:16:00.000+08:00

Started out in a new clinic yesterday & its so damn crowded. I was given about a 3hr training before i started out & what I had to do were to dispense, register patient & call patient in. I had a hard time as im not familiar with place & where the drugs are kept. Some of which are kept in the doctor's room.

The problem is Dr passed me a very small bottle from his room which i need to dispense to patient. I did not take much notice to the label & neither did i give it any thought about it & dispensed the whole bottle! It turns out that I should only dispense accordingly to the number of tablets stated on the label!! What shocked me more was it is a controlled drug & it cost $2 per tablet! Die lah!! I've already dispensed out & i doubt patient will return it back & worst still! How am i supposed to pay back for the drug?

I guess i will not continue with the job anymore. Not anymore. Such a fatal error & it is very serious in this line to dispense the wrong drug!! No one can help me & i felt so guilty about dispensing wrongly!! But NO ONE told me they deal with this kind controlled drug & NO ONE told me alot of things! Am i to blame? =((((

Woo~ My Fav replied!

2007-06-03T17:50:00.000+08:00

I dont know what the hell he replied though but im simply over the moon!! Lol~

hi we are butte at the moment but I Pablo will come to Singapore agien next m.nice and sorry but we do not have so much time . you now busse, and thenk you.paw

You get him?? I dont quite understand. Maybe that is how Polish write. Wakaka~

Sentosa Event!

2007-06-03T17:38:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to meet at 930am at habour front station but i woke up at 9!! Rushed like hell lah! Wanted to take a cab down to sentosa but no cab was in sight! My last resort-to take train. -_-" Reached around 11 & get changed to my singlet & sarong. Damn hot weather! Was sweating like no one business. Didnt do much though, just stand with the crowd & cheer. Haha~ Wonder how much we are paid to do nothing. Lol~

Applied lots of sunblock already but still i get tanned. Its such a shame that i couldn't stay for the picnic as i need to rush for work after it. Haiz.. Wonder what kind of fun that i missed out. Hopefully i get to have another chance again! =) Shall upload some pictures if i get them!

Their Replies~

2007-05-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

Andreas Reply:

Hi, yes I´m Andreas. You are the girlfriend of Zong, the ligttechnician at chrystall mirror? If you are his little girlfriend I remember you. Greetings from Germany, Andreas

Oh! Such a reply i got.. Little girlfriend?? Well, maybe to him I'm little as he's really tall!! Haha~ Tom also said that my guy had a small girlfriend when we 1st introduced. I remembered it vivdly that he said something like " Oh! You had such a small girlfriend & we are the big ones" But funny thing is, i dont know why he spelled Song as Zong.. Haha~ Weirdo~ I guess their pronounciation are just as different as ours.

Let me ask you. How do you pronounce Jojo & Jean Peirre? I guess we will all pronounce the Jojo with the letter J & Jean as "Gin" right? But they actually pronounced it as "Yoyo & John Peirre"!! I didn't understand why either. Haha~

Extract of Tom's reply:

You asked how I found your blog ... do you know about Google Alerts?

http://www.google.com/alerts

I had entered an alert for "Crystal Mirror" before I went to Singapore and now I still get emails with links to any page that mentions Crystal Mirror. Some of them are just for some fantasy story about a crystal mirror and some are for something that someone is selling someplace but some are for news stories or blog mentions of our Crystal Mirror. Sometimes, during the run of the show some people who came to the show would put up photos and their impressions of the show and dinner onto their blogs and I would get them right away. Now there are fewer mentions but yours stood out ... especially when I saw that Andre responded to your blog mention. I did tell the band guys about Google Alerts while I was there and maybe that's how Andre found your blog too.

My regards to Wensong and anyone else there who knows what my regards are.

lah

Tom Noddy

He & his forever singlish learnt during Singapore's trip. Out of no where there is a lah popping out. Cute guy indeed! And now that reply solves my curiousity on how they managed to find my blog!

Some video extracted from Crystal Mirror Performance

2007-05-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

Though i got the full video with me but I've always wanted to share some of the performance with those who did not get to watch. But i just find that it wasn't the right thing for me to extract from the video that i had. So since Youtube have some of the videos, shall post at my blog & let you guys have a glimpse. It's a shame that i couldn't post Caesar Twins performance as it is copyright. So shall post those which have no copyrights issue. =)

Tom Noddy-Bubble Magic

Roman & Slava-The Tap Dancing Twin

Andreas & Jojo-Ping Pong Duo

Andreas & Jojo-Comedy

Andreas-Juggling Skill

Enjoy!!

Special Thanks to CM crew

2007-05-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys, something went wrong with my previous entry & all the photos that I uploaded cannot be seen. I've already retified it. So pls enjoy the performance photos!!

TO ALL CRYSTAL MIRROR CREW

If anyone of you happen to see my blog, do drop me an email or tag me!! My email is xiao_bren84@yahoo.com.sg
I'll be more than delighted to see you guys & keep in touch! Wensong would also love to! Love you guys loads!!

P/S: Wensong is simply too obsess with the Tapping Dance music that he kept humming it!! Haha~

Hope to see you guys REAL soon!!

Thanks for those who tagged me. =)

Love,
Brenda

More updates!!

2007-05-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

Never expect the crew of Crystal Mirror to actually tag me.. Besides, how did Andre manage to find my blog?? It so amazing!! Would love more of Crystal Mirror crew to actually tag me!! Especially my hot fav!! Caesar Twins & Jenny Adler!!! Wahaha.. Its a shame that i did not actually get their contact when i could. Buts seems that there's no return now.. =(

Anyway, here are more updates! Here you go!! Enjoy!

[2 Charismatic Twins]

Pablo, Me & Pierre

Charming hunk that kept me mesmerising =x

[Petite me with Gigantic Andreas]

If not for me sitting on his lap, i guess you'll not see me!! lolx!!

Jean Peirre & Me

Pretty Babe, Jenny & Me

Jenny, Me & Jojo

Irina & Me

Bubble Daddy & Me

Who is Roman & who is Slava??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Close Up of Crews

[Andreas with his adorable son!!]

Awww.. Isn't he cute???

Queen of Hula Hoop

The Bubble Man

The Skaters Expert

Comedian who can imitate anything & eveything under the sun!

Jenny in her sexy costume =p

[The Identical Twins]

2 bodies that blend as ONE

Andre!! This is specially uploaded for YOU!!! =) CM Band-Sax player

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Stagehands & Technicians with the crews!

Wensong & Pierre
Hubby with Roman & Slava

Showtec Crew-Karma, Wensong & Sham

Wensong, Sham's Fiancee, Andrea & Sham

Jenny, Wensong, Sham's Fiancee & Sham

[The Crews of CM]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I miss Crystal Mirror!!!

2007-05-10T00:25:00.000+08:00

It's been such a long time since i last updated.. Hee~ 29 April was the last day of Crystal Mirror performance in Singapore.. Alittle dont bear though.. They have been here since March & i was consider the lucky ones to have watch their performance without having to pay a single cents. The cheapest ticket already cost more than $150!

Been going there watching their performance for umpteen times.. OWESOME is the only word i can describe.. Well, shall bring you to tour around & experience the great show with me!! Among them, Jenny & the Caesar Twins are my hot favourite!!

The Excellent Atmosphere

This is how he tentage look like outside
The Entrance
Barside

Stage & Tables

The Sumptious Food

Appetizer

Main Course

Dessert

Andreas Wessels - Juggler

Hula Hoop Artist - Irina Galagan

Can you see how many hula hoops is she spinning?

Comedian - Jojo Weiss

Roller Skating - The Skating Willers

Roman & Slava - The Tap Dancing Twins

It's not the stage they are dancing at but on the guests' table

Bubble Magic - Tom Noddy

Bubble Caterpillar

Bubble Cube

Jenny Adler - Vocals and Aerial Contortionist

She is actually singing while doing all this stunts! Yet her voice is still so astonished!

The Contortion Twins - Caesar Twins

Fit right???

?%#!@#$?%#@*

2007-04-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

Went back school yesterday even im worn out. Gotta carry so many stuff around yet i still went. The reason i went was because Maria took the effort & tried to be our middleman & asked both me & Tam to sort things out. In the end?? I never see any sight of HER!!! If she doesnt want to clarify, she shouldnt have agreed & MIA.. Worst still left my precious time!! Heard them saying that she got something on & will be there. But hey!! I waited for 4hrs!!! She never even bother to text Maria when she's not coming. Even if its really that important that she cant make it, she should have at least text someone & i wouldnt be like a fool waiting for her! They were told that there were trainings & Maria took a cab & rush to down but in the end, there was no training at all!! People commented that im irresponsible, but are they themselves??

Anyway, i dont think they really care whether or not about my presence. If they care, they would have asked me to stay instead of keeping mum or saying " wednesday, u wanna come u come lor. If not, its up to u.." How would you feel if u heard that?? I did not have that intention of not turning up for training on Wed but upon hearing that, i felt im so useless.. Its not about team spirit or whatever shit that made me feel like quitting, its just a feeling that i have ever since there seems to be no team spirit. . If when i say i feel like quitting, i'll quit, i guess i'll no longer be in the team way before Open House. Im not the only saying that.. Alot of them too commented that they wanted to quit & some with the same reason. In fact when i said im not performing, i did thought of helping them for the last time or rather if they need me. Just a request from them, i'll be there again. Except for af ew who cares, no1 ever bother.

People complained about me this & that. Complained that i have many requests.. But did anyone ever noticed that im not the ONLY ONE who wanted them. Its just that NO ONE wanted to voice out & im the only one voicing out & in the end, it became all my fault, so troublesome & insisted on this & that. Bloody hell!! They adviced to voice out anything that anyone is not happy at but after voicing out, did any1 listen??? Even if they did, its really depends on which matter he/she want to do.

I just merely want the team to be like before & try to help whatever i can. But instead i got blamed. Blame me for my kaypo-ness!! Yeah!! No point crying but im only crying for myself & not anyone else!! I guess i really have to put down everything on my mind.. What for think of how they will do for their performance & hoping they'll do well for such a rush routine coz of me. Hoping that YJ will go up all & stunts & not wear her out. Why the hell am i thinking about all this?? Its not worth it at all!! I shouldnt even have thought of helping out & i regretted postponing my Lasik coz of the performance. It seems that all ive put in has come to a naught.

No more Cheerleader, no more Vesperian

2007-04-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

Thought i wouldnt feel anything & can take it easily as ive sort of made up my mind but as im walking out of the school, my tears just flow down so uncontrollably.. My mind was flashing through the times i had in cheer, the fun i had, the friends ive made, the stunts ive learnt & many others. I simply love cheerleading!

I knew i would be upset if i quit but i did not expect myself to cry & to cry over Vesper. I know i would be happier if i stayed but just felt that our team spirit isnt there anymore, more & more conflicts are setting in, im no longer as happy as b4 & with every minor thing that occur, just make me upset, demoralised & lost hope in it. Since that day that im hurt so thoroughly & burst into tears, ive struggled to made this decision.

I may appear strong but in fact im very vunerable at heart. To people i treasure, things i love, i would definately sob for them but little did i know that i love cheer to the extend that i have actually made it part of my life!

Friday, Ive already taken off to prepare to for for training, so i'll just find some stuff to do to keep myself occupied. I know i'll definately be in a lost on Wednesday as im so used to going for trainings. I know my tears would just roll whenever i thought of it.. So i kept telling myself that:

1) Just take it as a break/rest.
Since i'll not be free every weekday, now its the perfect time for me to rest.

2) Since they ever mentioned that there are too many flyers & too few bases
This shall be the best for the team as now there's 1 flyer less so at least there'll be
enough bases i guess.

3) At least ive once fulfilled my dream as a cheerleader.

4) Ive made great friends & learnt alot there so its worthwhile.

I need to study for things ive learnt today for tmr test but i couldnt focus!! My mind just kept thinking about alot of things & i cant concentrate!! What should i do? I dont wanna fail the test as i dont know if it will affect my internship or not. But i just couldnt concentrate!! Can someone pls advice me??

PISSED!

2007-04-11T02:01:00.000+08:00

HAVENT U GUYS MAKE THIS CLEAR??? ITS NOT I DONT WANT TO CHEER, ITS BCOZ OF MY VOICE THAT I CANT CHEER! IM JUST FEEDING BACK THAT I CANT CHEER WITH A VOICE LIKE THIS & NOT SAYING THAT I DONT WANT TO!!!

GET IT???

Hurt.. Sad.. Pissed.. =( =( =(

2007-04-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

Im hurt.. Truly hurt & cried for the 1st time ever, for Vesper.. I just couldnt take it anymore!!

I know there have been alot of problems arising in our team lately & Im trying to put everything aside & concentrate purely on trainings. I used to be looking 4ward for every trainings to come but not now anymore.. Im finding that im dragging myself for trainings & i detest that feeling!! My passion for cheerleading is still there but wheres all my enthu that i used to have? I'll try to minimaze the problem if i can but each time a problem is resolved, it seems like another will be bound arise.. I dont know why.. Maybe bcoz the problem still exists i guess..

After hearing what Garie had said.. Theres something i think i need to point out on my personal view. From the 1st day till now, ive never stop trying for stunts im not good at.. I tried even when i fell.. Its only that sometimes i need to wait for the pain to go away b4 proceeding to try again. Also, I ever told Berry that i wanted to try a toss up 2-2-1 so it'd look nice. But i backed out later when trying as i have my own fear. I have a protuding tailbone which i was adviced not to hit on it or I'll get paralysed.. I dont wish to fall just bcoz w/o any safety precaution made. I wouldnt mind going to the field & try tossing on the thicker mat. I know bases & secondary flyer will surely try to catch me if i were to fall. But at least i feel safer in the field & even if i were to fall, its inevitable as safety precaution had been made. I dont wish to get injured either & miss out trainings & longing for recovery to go back trainings. Morever, i thought its understood that 1st try on new stunts will be in field rather than our usual training area??

I believed that not only captains r worry abt the routine, we members too!! We r not demanding to hv markings but havent u see for yourself our Open House Perforamance?? Its so unsyncronised that every1 had to look at each other to confirm their positioning. Reason being we did not do our markings on the actual size mats that resulted in that. Do u want to see that happen again?? I doubt so right?? It wont take much time to put a small marking & i guessed that will helped greatly in the positioning. We all want a perfect & nice routine dont we??

I got my own eyes to see for whos planning & doing everything so u dont have to tell me. And just bcoz Tam is doing everything & stress, doesnt give her any rights to raise her voice at me!! Does that give me the right to raise my voice at any1 if im stressed up?? Besides, Im just voicing out that i couldnt help bring the crowd as im almost losing my voice. Im not saying that Im NOT helping or rather RELUCTANT to cheer the crowd. Ive lost my voice & i really meant lost my voice. I really dont want to lose it again as i would want to cheer, shout & enjoy too!!

Pls dont assume that every1 takes the soft way!! I dont mind being scolded if im really at fault BUT I DO MIND if i got raised voice at if ive DID NOTHING WRONG!! Doesnt mean that stress or whatever shit reason can be excused.

PLS MAKE THIS CLEAR PPL!! IM NOT TARGETING AT ANYONE!! Its just some things i dislike the way, me or others r treated & that doesnt mean Im targeting at any1 or dislike any1 in particular!!

Just felt that its so hard on me.. I really dont feel like going for anymore trainings but i just couldnt bear my friends, bear cheerleading!! I still love cheer but im really getting sick of everything. What should i do?? If i dont go, the performance will be called off & i'll be blame for it. Even if im not, i'll feel guilty for causing everyone's effort to be drained just coz of me. =(

3rd Anniversary Outing

2007-04-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

Went to Sentosa for our 3rd Anniversary.. Thought it would be a fun trip as its been a long time since i last went.. Our 1st destination was Images of Singapore & we managed to psyco YX & YJ to tag along with us though their intention were to go tanning. But to our disappointment, there aint alot of wax sculptures.. I could remember vaguely that there were alot of wax sculptures when i 1st went but it was like many years ago.. I remembered seeing japanese soldiers, WW I/II sculptures instead of the current sculptures of different Singapore Festives.. Stupid right??

Then YJ & YX adjourned for their tanning session whereas me & hubby went for the luge & skyride. The luge was fun but a skyride was abit scary though. It moves so slow & i felt so insecure without a tightly hugging safety barrier. Hubby took 2 shots & i merely forced myself to smile at the camera & hands still hold tightly on the safety barrier.. Haha~

After the skyride, we went to the beach to look for them b4 we adjourned for another place. I hid in the shade afraid of getting tan.. *Bleah* Went to underwater world & dolphin lagoon. The dolphins were so cute! They can play hula hoop,wave goodbye, juggle the ball & even kissed..

Some random photos at UnderwaterWorld.. Can u figured what r they??

At the end of the day, depite my sunblock & hiding in the shade, i still got TANNED!! TMD!! If sunblock will still get tan, what's the use of SUNBLOCK?? Make me waste my time to make it a point to apply everytime i go out. I WANT to be fair fair as i get tan super easily.. Sianz.. This trip made me even more chao tar now.. Any1 hv any idea to be fairer??

Eye Opener!!

2007-03-26T00:26:00.000+08:00

Went to watch Cheerobics 2007 at PS.. Tho im a cheerleader myself, it's my 1st time watching live cheerleading performance! Ive only seen them on TV.. Haha~ We reached around 1plus & managed to squeezed to the front for a better view. It was really an eye opener for me to have seen the flyers fly.. Upon seeing their flying skills & flexibility, i felt so ashamed of myself.. I, being a flyer, could not even fly so well & let alone being flexible. Theres a particular team, ACES, their flyers all have abs!! OMG!! Unlike me.. Flabby tummy!! I enjoyed it alot & had been telling myself that i MUST master my flying & locking skills. I MUST train to be flexible to do a sommer toss. i MUST train my basic well-my jumps particularly.

Anyway, heard so much abt Magnum Force when i 1st know abt cheerleading. Kinda disappointed with them as i expected astonishing stunts from them but they kept falling when the actual routine was up. Their stunts were tough tho but i guess they are not well prepared. Didnt know NUS have cheerleading too! Its named KR Stepper. They did a great performance & to my surprised, it was their 1st year taking apart in Cheerobics.

Its so tempting to hear that winner goes to Tokyo, Japan to compete. Make me feel like taking part.. =) Hopefully our standard can be like them next year! Even if we dont win, at least we get the experience!!

Gosh!!

2007-03-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

Dont know why it suddenly striked my mind that i made a careless mistake in my accounts paper while working halfway through. Decided to check it out to confirm after i reached home & i really did!! Mind me.. Why am i always so careless??? Must be due to the fact that i have not enough sleep that fateful day.. Was afraid i might not have the concentration & i really couldnt concentrate well that day.. You know why?? I have my management paper the day b4 & i studied through the night & didnt sleep at all. Im all bushed when i reached home but i just couldnt get to sleep & stayed till midnight b4 i actually went to bed.. Argh!! Was super tired & my brains cannot even function properly!! Damn it!! There goes my A i guess as i felt that i did not do well..

A piece of advice. NEVER let yourself wear out till dead beat if u got a paper the next day!!! Surely your brain cannot function.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When i boarded the train at BB, i kept looking at someone as he looked familiar. He did stare at me for a moment but he did not react so i thought i recognized the wrong person. I did not give up & i kept observing him.. From the tattoos & all, he really looked like my friend.. Hung up with YJ & continued observing till he looked at me & i was like "Jowy??" Yeah!! He's Jowy!! Man!! Made me kept looking at him as i thought he's just 1 that resembles Jowy.. Catch up abit with him & Im really happy to him once again after so long. Hee~

Contentment

2007-03-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

Just hate clearing up after everything.. Bleah~ But bo bian.. Gotta wash up too.. Worn out after washing up & spending the day baking 2 cakes..

Its been such a long time since i last baked.. Decided to bake no matter how tired i am coz i'll be starting work tmr & i wont have the time to bake i guess.. Baked 2 cakes.. 1 especially for my dear & 1 just for the crave of baking.. Haha~ Simply missed those times baking.. Anyway, here's my creation. =p

My batter b4 flour & butter

My cake b4 icing..

After icing==> Mango cake!!

Heart shaped cake

For my Dear==> Chocolate cake!

I know my icing cannot make it but still i love to bake with icing! Haha~ Never had professional training & just anyhow cream them.. Lol! Wanted to learn icing long ago but i dont know where can i learn.. =( Any idea people?? If anyone know, pls tag me & let me know.. Thx!

Blessing in Disguise

2007-03-03T01:29:00.000+08:00

Im glad I've finally seen your true colours!!! =)

Clarification!!!

2007-02-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern,

Really upset to received that msg from u.. But I've put it up with ALL the nonsense for umpteen times & i have had enough!! U r not me, u wont understand the kinda harassment.. I know you will tell her but at the same time u will also side her.. Its not that i have never told u before but does the matter end like this?? NO!! It didnt!! Just like that day, she really called me yet u dont believe me! Ya, she may be your gf but that doesnt mean anything!! Who will it be if she's not the 1 who called? Also cant she asked some1 to call on her behalf & act as her?? Or am i deaf enough to hear wrongly her name & asking things concerning u?? And PLS!! When did i ever put words into your mouth? Malign u? Or tarnish your reputation? Its the fact what? Do u think i dare to write if its not real? U go think properly..

I purposely put my link in friendster so as she/you can read it. I dont know it will bother u that much as my motive is only to let her know how i feel! Do put yourself in my shoe.. What will u do if u were me? What will u do if this matter continues even after years?? If it really matters so much, i proposed that you get her to apologise to me! Your behalf of apology is practically useless!! Its not your fault & even if u apologise million times, it doesnt make any difference.. The fault still lies in her.. Not u..

And btw, im already kind enough not to post the recent incident out.. Im planning to but i didnt.. I can hear from your voice that u were very pissed that day but Im ANNOYED BY HER ACTIONS too!! U r siding her throughout the ordeal!! Yes, u may be her bf but that doesnt mean u can ignore everything & make it as if im at fault & magnifying the matter! It hurts & at the same time make my blood boil when im the innocent party yet got suspected! Also, she's the 1 who started everything & why r u so afraid of letting it known to others? I know shes your gf & its right to protect her but what about me? Must i accept all these & keep mum throughout?? I can tolerate but there's really a patience to my limit & ITS ALREADY OVER MY LIMIT!! That is why i chose to let it out HERE. About my friend, I get him to call bcoz i dont want to make matter worst. Think about it, what will she do if i were to call u? I did not call u yet i get all these, what if i called? What more will i get?

There have been times i really wanted to tell her off.. But im afraid things might get worst so i decided to put this thought aside.. She's pretty & i dont know why she feel so insecure.. We are just mutual friend & theres nothing more going between us. I have my bf & u have her, i dont know what makes her think so much.. If im really interested in u & planning to snatch away u from her, do u think i'll stay with my bf for so long? U know that both u & I aint young anymore.. Do u think im in the game for all these? What she do will only make people detest her instead.. Maybe shes still young but i dont think any excuse can excused her from acting this way.. Its REAL destestful!!

I really dont wish to ruin our friendship coz of her but i guess it has come to the stage where we can no longer be like last time.. Maybe it can be salvaged but i doubt so.. Blame me if u want but pardon me for writing it all in my blog.. I just want to let off steam!! Isnt that wrong?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T22:12:00.000+08:00

Got an advance ang bao from Dr Lee when i see her this morning.. So sweet of her.. Im only her patient yet she gave me an ang bao.. Not only that, she even gave my boy.. Thought it would be at most 10 bucks but to our surprise, she gave us 20 bucks each.. So generous of her too!!

Didnt celebrate with hubby as he will be working.. Haiz.. Every occasion or holiday, he will be away for work & leave me alone to spend my lonely day.. How i wished at times that he will not be working for this company but nevertheless, i know he's striving for our future.. Anyway,

This is what i gave my Dear for Valentine..

A blue PSP set!!

A close up look

Costed me $420.. =( But as long as hubby is happy, i'll be contented..

And this is what i get in return =)

Hmm.. Tianpo Jewellery??

A Necklace with 4 roses in it..

The pendant~ Nice??

How sweet of him.. =) Really touched.. It costed him $506!!

Both of us simply spent too much on our gift.. Our anniversary is coming.. Gosh!! What should i buy next?? Haha~

HAPPY VALENTINE'S TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!!

Argh!! Stop all the harassment!! Or else...

2007-02-06T15:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Vienne,

Stop putting the blame on others! Blame urself if u CANT take charge of ur own BOYFRIEND!! Who wanna snatch away ur Billy?? If i want to be with him, do u think u bloody hell stand a chance??? Think for urself girl! I know him LONGER THAN YOU & he did WOO me BEFORE U, so do u think you'll have any chance to be with him if not i rejected him??

Oh girl, pls for goodness sake! Do u think i'll pity u for that? U r the one who spell trouble urself! U are driving me insane with ALL ur harassment from time to time!! There's a patience to one's limit.. Dont force me.. Or else i'll REPORT you to the police for harassment!! Ive been keeping ur harassment msges with me! Dont think u can run away with that!

Oh, such a failure u are to not even take charge of ur own bf.. Poor u.. I really pity u for having to harass so many women in his life.. If i were Billy, i'll kick u off aside for sure!! Lol! Do u think that u keep harassing people of the innocence is to prove ur love for him?? Haha~ I doubt so.. U r just making a fool of urself & ur bf!!

STOP harassing me & take charge of ur BILLY!!

NYP Open House Performance Video!

2007-02-06T00:57:00.000+08:00

Managed to find it in youtube so i decided to post in my blog.. Nah.. From the video, u can clearly see how badly my toss was.. =( Wasnt high enough & worst still!! Its damn ugly!! See for yourself & give me comments on the performance k?

Fun Day!!

2007-02-05T12:01:00.000+08:00

Went to YS's birthday chalet & played till the wee hours.. It's supposed to be YS's birthday yet all of us got thrown into the pool 1 by 1.. YJ, Nizz & me were the last few girls who escaped from the hands of the devils.. Haha~ They caught us in the end but cheated us that they are not playing already as its wet & cold.. Only YJ was naived to believe that &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; got captured & thrown. Got my bum & elbow injured.. My elbow bleed while my bum got bruises.. Its hurting when i lie on bed or against the wall.. =(

See my injured elbow?? ='(

Poolside pix

All wet & drenched

Keeping ourselves warm around the pit

With Shy Brandon Boy

Asked Rongtin to send me 3 set of clothes as he lived very near.. How nice he is to really come down with 3 set of clothes.. =)

The Mr Nice Rongtin

Met up with Weiming too!! So elated that i met him as its been dont know how many donkey years since i last met him. Memories started flashing back.. How we got to know each other etc..

9-10yrs ago with Weiming

9-10yrs later with Weiming once again!! Did we change??

Went Punggol end with them & got a chance to sit on Weiming's car. Woo!! Its so damn thrilling!! He didnt drove fast yet the feeling was real fast!! I sweared he drove 100km/hr only!! Got piggy back by him too! =) 1st in our 10yrs of friendship, i got to sit on his car & piggy back by him..

At Pungool End

He gave YJ, Nizz & me a lift back.. Went to 99 turn which i suggested before adjourning to YJ's house.. Wolala!! We almost drifted!! Its so much thrill as compared with my 1st ride at 99 turn!! I thought it wouldnt be as thrilling as bike but i was wrong!! I thought I will never forget the 1st bike ride on Alvin's bike to 99 turn but now, my 2nd car lift to 99 turn in Weiming's car!! Wahaha!!

The fast & the furious car of Weiming's

Really had a great time & Weiming, really glad to see you!! Muahahaha!!

It's Play Time!!

2007-01-28T15:41:00.000+08:00

Below are some updates of photos taken before and after the performances.. Enjoy!!

Pretties in Vesper

The Performers for Open House

Teddy Bear YX!! Look at his face!! Lol

Doesnt he look cute? An oversize body in an undersize jacket!!

The Chair Pose.. Actual name i forgot.. Only rmb it has got to do with chair. Haha~

The Koala Bears!!

Opps!! Does he look like touching my ahem??

Xiaodi carrying both of us

The Mighty Us!! Wahahaha~

Vesper Rocks!

"Die Luo Han" Nice ya~

3 level Shoulder sit

Thats all for the day!

Open House

2007-01-28T01:34:00.000+08:00

Was feeling damn low moral after performing for the open house. My toss was super duper ugly.. Dont know what is wrong with me.. I could have done it BETTER but why didnt i?? There were no one cheering when all our stunts were up though there's a little unsynchronised.. Audiences were all too focus on 1 particular person.. *SIGH* Dont u know that its rude to not focus on our performance yet still standing there? Still remember my 1st performance.. When i did my toss, everyone was going "WOW". Do u know it feels great when someone appreciates all the hard work that we have put in just to do our stunts better? A little demoralised.. Wonder if we would still be getting this for our next performances.. Anyway, its over.. No point brooding.. Shall look forward for our upcoming club crawl in Apr..

Dolly wasnt happy that i was late due to the delay of the performance so i did not go for work again! Was damn pissed for the delay & everything but simmered down after awhile. Tried alot of stunts & took shoots anyhow anywhere.. Haha~

Adjourned to MS for steamboat & bowling, after got lost in a ulu park together! We all did not have much cash with us & there's no atm machine in sight. Luckily to my savoir, Rongtin that came our rescue.. He came to MS & fetch Berry, YS, YJ & me home!! Felt so guilty as he lived Pasir Ris yet he's sending the 4 of us back to West side!!

THANK YOU RONGTIN!! A MILLION THX 2 U!!

Enjoyed myself & it's been a long time since i last stayed out so late. Reached home at 4+ & im extremely tired after the whole day of program!

VESPER IM BACK!!

2007-01-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

Cant proceed for my surgery due to the unclear cornea thus im going back for the performance! Yeah!! Got to know its due to the effect of roaccutane that led to the dots on my cornea as it causes dryness.. So bo bian, got to wait til i complete my medicine then can go back for Lasik..

Well, simply hate my POM group.. Just 1 particular gal that i dislike actually.. Its like every time i told her something but she did not take it seriously or simply forgotten all about it & in the end ACCUSED me of not telling her!! WTF!! It happened twice already ok? I can still remember what she say when i told her last week that im not coming on Wed.. How could i have not told her when i already knew about my appt long ago??

Her: Maybe we meet next wed to discuss again or what lor..
Me: But i will not be coming next wed leh.. how? im going for surgery.. If im fit, i'll proceed for my surgery & wont be back on thur & fri too.. But i can try coming back on fri.. If im unfit, then i'll be back on thur.
Her: Its ok.. We'll just do whatever we can 1st without you then you let me know again lor.

ARE YOU SIMPLY FORGETFUL OR WHAT? OR ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK ON ME??

Stupid Careless Mistake!

2007-01-15T21:55:00.000+08:00

Wrote $15,000 instead of $150,000 for my accounts ica.. Gosh!! How could i have made such a silly mistake?? Luckily im not working.. Can u imagine how much im gonna repay the shortage of $135,000?? Its not just manually written.. I did punch thr calculator wrongly a few times too. I realised my some of my mistakes at times but not all.. So the amt of cash received instead of a total of $153,000 became $18,000.. Really got to be more careful the next time be it punching the calculator or writing.. Alright!! Wish me luck for my stats tmr!!

I MISS TRAINING!!

Dilemma!

2007-01-13T18:17:00.000+08:00

Have been thinking lately whether oor not to be out of routine.. I want to perform for the open house but everything is so rush.. 2more weeks from now to the open house. To be exact 10days from now! Last week, we wasted our time on our conditioning, this week, our entire training was trying out roast turkey! Wanted to make use of our time to do other things but all the bases were used up for the roast turkey stunt! So we did our tumblings instead..

Initially i thought it was ok but when i realised time is running out, i felt alittle discontent with it.. Routine is not up yet & we have not train our routine yet wasted time to try out new things & conditioning! Thought i was able to go for training next week but i forgot i got my stats ica on tues & lasik on wed. So i gotta study on mon & missed training from wed to next week if there's any. So if i were to go back to train for routine, im only left with 2 DAYS!! How am i supposed to perform with 2 days of routine training? So the best solution is i drop out of routine.. Haiz..

I really wanted to perform but ive got no other choice.. Ive kept postponed my surgery date due to the NEA performance & i really don't want to postpone it again! If i were to postpone it, i'll may still clash with club crawl. in the end, i still got to postponed again!! Also, 6mths from the date of assesment, i'll got to pay another $300 like that to redo my pre-assesment again to see if there's any changes in my cornea.. ARGH!! I really don't want that! Morever, i cant were lenses even for awhile so i wont be able to wear lenses if i were to go for the performance. So i MUST wear glasses & that'll be odd & hassle..

I dont mind going for training on Sat if there is but my man forbid me to.. That will risk my eye.. Though im really keen on going for training after surgery but come to think of it, no point training for 2days & going to perform. I may not do a good job & worst still, if i suffer any fall, my eyes will be gone! Even thought of how the routine should be done if im out & if we using back the same routine.. Haa~ Get Tam to replace my basket toss & YJ will replace all my other stunts while Tam will repalce Maria. Wahaha~ As if im captain like that!! Thinking too much!!

Lets see how it goes next wed.. I may not even be fit again then i wont have to be out of routine!! But TOUCHWOOD!! I WILL BE FIT!!

Tough conditioning!

2007-01-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

Finally went back after school after 2wks of break! Everything was just so tensed up.. Things are not the same anymore.. I sincerely do want to salvage this kind of situation but im lost for words & i really dont know what should i say in order not to make things worst. =(

All we did for training yesterday was doing our conditoning. I've got to admit that our foundation are strong enough but still i think our performance is more important than building our foundation. We can always build our foundation after the performance! Time is really tight & i hate to rush everything just to have a perfect performance! In fact, without letting us train our stunts & build our foundation just doesnt help in the upcoming performance.

Aching all over like an ah ma.. Will like to have more conditioning though as i want to be fitter to do more stunts. But after performance pls?? I want to do a perfect lib X for the upcoming performance! I don't want to slip off AGAIN!!

Sadly, we had our commissioning yesterday. Maybelle had hand over the new captain & vice captain position to Yongshen & Tammi respectively. 3 cheers for them. But then i hate to see Maybelle leave but what can i do? She will be graduating soon.. Bet i'll cry when the day really arrive..

Happy New Year & Happy 33rd Moniversary to Me!

2007-01-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

Gosh!! I waited for Tammi for a good 1/2 an hr for her to walk from her hse to CCK.. I wonder how she managed to walk so slowly that she actually took 35min to reach. Initially our plan was to go marina south to eat steamboat but later realised that the many ppl who's joining turned out to be just 5 of us.. YX,YS,MJ,Tam & me.. Changed our venue to bugis instead. We were all hungry so we decided to eat without YS till he joined us ltr.. After we had our full then we proceeded to esplanade for the fireworks. Due to all the dilly dally, we did not manage to find a good spot to see & worst thing is, all the people are blocking me!! Haiz.. Why cant my mum give birth to a taller Brenda??

Our steamboat full of food

YX & Tam enjoying their food.. Lol

B4 going to esplanade

In the Pub

Went to a ktv pub @ parklane then adjourned to orchard for ah guas.. YX & YS piggyback YJ &me at some point. Wah.. Shiok!! My feet is killing me!! Thought ah guas are supposed to look nice though there may be some exceptions. But it turned out to be a nightmare!! All the ah guas neither have looks nor figure.. This is the 1st time ever i see such pathetic group.

Waited till 6am to take cab home but guess what?? YX, Tam & me waited for an hour but no cab in sight!! My feet is aching like hell.. Decided to take a bus home instead but when it finally arrived, its so damn packed that we changed to take MRT. I reached home @ ard 9am.. Took me abt 3hours to wait for all the stupid transport + abt 15mins for Tam to have her breakfast. Slept for 2hrs then went to accompany my hubby for lunch.

HAPPY NEW YEAR & HAVE A BRAND NEW LIFE AHEAD!
HONEY, HAPPY 33rd MONIVERSARY!! I LOVE YOU!!

Unfit for lasik =(

2006-12-28T15:16:00.000+08:00

Went for my Lasik happily yesterday.. But before i proceeded to the surgery, the doctor made a check on me. *Shaking her head*" Your cornea is not clear, you cant do it today." Argh!! The day i've been waiting & kept postponing due to the NEA performance & now after 3mths, i still havent got it done!! Gosh!! Was so dissappointed.. Thought i could have perfect eyesight after the term break but i still got to continue with my glasses day.. NO contact lenses at all due to my blepharitis.. Argh!! Why must i got this kinda infection for nothing!! Its itchy, its painful at times & worst!! It affect my surgery! Let's not talk about it.. Shall wait for another month to see how well my infection is treated.

Went to training reluctantly.. As i had already planned to miss the trainings for 2-3weeks after my Lasik thus i was damn moody when i couldn't correct my eyesight. This was the 1st time ever that i felt so reluctant to go for training.. I wasnt in the mood for training at all.. Slack.. Thought i did wanted to try the stunts but i just couldnt do well.. Told them i'll do better next week.. I just need time to sort out alot of things.. Haiz..

I need to solve the issue desperately!!

2006-12-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

Things just magnified coz of small little misunderstandings.. So many things just arises unknowingly as time passes.. I merely want to solve the conflict btw us asap & not wanting to create more conflicts.. But why do some ppl think otherwise?

Recalling back our past.. its so sweet & innocent kinda bond.. How i wished i could turn back time.. My boy says maybe i just couldnt balance btw my cheermates & them. But did i?

I really mean no harm when i confide in people.. I just wanna let off my steam or unhappiness.. But maybe ppl get the wrong meaning that im trying to potray.. I hate to bottle things up in my heart & thats the reason why i will tends to tell ppl how i feel when im unhappy. It really will make me feel better after that..

Are things just so complicated or did i make the wrong step in telling my feelings??

My Blog

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Quiz Result: Are You A Good Flirt?

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Tom Noddy aka the Bubbleman

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Surprised Reply!

Last Day Internship in UOB

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Some video extracted from Crystal Mirror Performance

Special Thanks to CM crew

More updates!!

I miss Crystal Mirror!!!

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No more Cheerleader, no more Vesperian

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